Potion (London)

Dr Kenneth Tinkle (Carry on Doctor)

* grinning inanely with clipboard in hand * Naaah, stop muckin’ abaht!

* returning swiftly to his usual pompous dispostion with nose high in the air * Potion indeed, the name of this establishment ?!?

Young lady, if you are not aware of the rules pertaining to pub names might I suggest you immediately familiarise yourself with the National Union of Drinkers website? Allow me to quote from their informative advice to landlords page:

Pub names should  always remain pub names even after a crappy refit.

They should always contain at least one of the criteria from this list: a colour - eg Red; an animal - eg Cock; a member of the monarchy - eg King; a part of the human anatomy - eg Arms or Rectum. Under no circumstances should a pub have only one name such as - Digress, Destiny  or Regal for example. The only exception to this rule is Cubana at Waterloo.

What do you have to say for yourself....c'mon girl speak up?

Oh, not a pub? a cocktail bar is it? Hmm, well there’s certainly something half-cocked about it. But I see plenty of lager taps, which I must say is a welcome sight in a pub so garishly lit from the exterior. I’ll take a pint of Carlsberg.

Anyway, as I first mentioned on my arrival, my name is Tinkle, Dr Kenneth Tinkle and I am research professor at the Windeyer Institute for Medicine.

…..What? ....wind….. As in rectal…?

….no not that kind of wind you silly girl. Windeyer; University College London’s Centre of Gastroenterology and Nutrition. Specialising in digestive system disorders. Just around the corner.

As I was saying. I’m here on official medical business. We middle-aged professionals are finding it increasingly hard to ‘stomach’ this type of drinking establishment.

You may cater for the younger drinker and I note that you have many specials on offer for students and an absurd loyalty card, like those most people hold in their wallets with never more than a single mocca stamp. 

But there’s nothing here for a bawdy 70s dinosaur like me and my colleagues. 

So for my latest research project, I must enquire as to what you think can be done for the elderly, those of a nervous disposition with irregular bowels. Those who crave a return to the golden age of boozing?

So come young lady speak up. …..what do you have to say for yourself…….c’mon.... or do I have to wait for Christmas?

Barmaid: Well Grandad, my views are like Christmas; worth waiting for ..... but you won’t find me stuffing your goose!

Dr Tinkle (yelling to no one in particular): Infamy, infamy, they've all got it in for me.

Dr Kenneth Tinkle’s rating for Potion – 6 / 10

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