Phoenix (Bank)

Dancing Priest (Father Ted)

I tell you what Ted, this is'nt as easy as it looks.

If I get distracted for but one second, then I lose all sense of where I am in the scheme of things. My rhythm gets shot to bits you know, and I've to start from scratch again. So, don't think me rude, will ya, if I avoid eye contact to maintain my focus.

It's a tough business the old continuous dancing. But when you are waiting to get served in this shithole, what else is there to do?

Also, I need to face front in order to try and catch the eye of one of these barkeeps. They're an elusive bunch,…...

Ha! Bear with me a minute Ted, I'm gonna do a backflip *does*. So where was i? Oh yeah,..the dancing *still dancing*,…continuously. Well it all started around about the first Friday lunchtime we came in here. Myself and Father Dwire had just hosted and electric mass down at St Barnabus, and needed a few lagers to bring us back down to earth. To straighten us out….

Oh, it was the mass from heaven Ted. And the sermon I gave,..even if I do say so myself,………t'was like an audience with Bobby Davro! Such was its magnificence.

Well,……..we came in here gasping. Into the Phoenix. I kid you not. And the wait we had to endure!! Be Jasus Ted,…..it was mammoth in it's duration! Father Dwire nigh on topped himself out of frustration. It was frustration pure and simple Ted. We're it not for the ole Tesco Metro next door - with its off licence section - we woulda been goners Ted. For sure.

After 10 or 15 minutes of the wait, that first Friday, I started to jig around a bit, with the old anxiety,……….and that's how the old 'dancing at the bar' business kicked off. I've been doing it ever since. It really takes the edge off I can tell you.

Why don't you give it a try?

One minute! *does a pirouette*

Don't fancy it? Fair enough,……..but I reckon you'd find it therapeutic in future. Keep it there lodged in your mind just in case.

Oh,..here comes a barman now Ted. Excuse me if I blank you. Hello Sir,…*still dancing*…..hello sir,……..hello sir!? Nope,……no joy. Oh well Ted,..as I said, I just keep dancing. Just wanna take care I don't kark it in the meantime!

These lot are a shower of bastards.

Cowboys Ted!

Dancing Priest's rating for the Phoenix - 5 / 10

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