Duke of Clarence (Hampton Hill)

Bob Lee Swagger (The Shooter)

Take this shot for instance….

A lightly ballasted cardboard box, set atop a picket fence, at the end of a wooded field, on a blustery and overcast day in November. Tough huh?

Also, bear in mind, that you are trying to take this shot, from the back of a slow moving vehicle - call it a Volvo estate - and the driver has had one or two pints at lunch.

Plus, you've already been shot in the abdomen and are bleeding profusely. You desperately need medical attention, but you have this job to do first. You will not leave until the job is done. Such is your professionalism.

So, you've staunched the bleeding and applied pressure to the wound, but the pain when you move your hand is excruciating. Remember that you will need to move your hand to steady the rifle and take aim.

What an ask huh?

All this, at the distance of 1050 metres,..oh, and the clouds overhead are quickly darkening. Which could affect the light, and your ability to see the target. Obviously impending rain is also an issue for various other, and obvious, reasons.

Now, you'll understand what I say, when I tell you that the permutations for this shot are complex and numerous.

The cardboard box is lightly ballasted, but not so much so, that a semi forceful wind could not blow it off the fence. But what is semi forceful? You reckon it around 20mph.

The picket fence is quite old and rickety and the box is quite finely balance between two struts. Again, the wind could be a factor, but the age of the fence and the solidity of its foundations also need to be considered. What about that rain?

As I mentionned, the field is also wooded. You anticipate having a clear line of sight from your intended shooting spot, however you cannot discount the chance that a branch will fall or swing into your space, should rain or wind have an impact.

The Volvo? It's a 1989 estate,…..TDI. Unleaded. Usually reliable, but a bit jumpy when cold. The driver is your partner - Toby - a functionning alcoholic, with a tendency to shake when sober and to drift off when too drunk. He's had 3 pints so far in order to steady himself. But has he had more? Do you think he is lying about his consumption?

Who's to say? But you're not in a position to choose another driver. You have to work with what you have, and take him at his word. All the while, the clock is ticking.

Tick, tick, tick,……….

And you're bleeding,…..

Drip, drip, drip,………

Who's to say whether you will have the strength to see it through, and not pass out, yourself? It's tough,…….

Tick, tick, tick,……….

And you're bleeding,…..

Drip, drip, drip,………

So,……….as you see. These things are never as simple as they seem…….

What were we talking about again? Oh yeah, chatting up birds.......

That dark haired Monica Beluchi lookalike behind the jump over there?! Well, as I said, chatting up birds is very much like lining up a shot,...like the one, in the situation that I have just described,…..not worth the fcking hassle,…it's a box for fcks sake!!!!!

Heres' a score buddy, go get the pints off Monica for us will ya. I can't be fcking arsed.

Once I'm suitably leathered, I reckon I'll take the dog for a walk.

Down Shep!

Bob's rating for the Duke - 8 / 10

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