Rileys (Twickenham)

Brian Flannagan (Cocktail)

*In the Mastermind studio. The lights are dimmed and the final contestant approaches the chair.*

And finally up in the hot seat, is Brian Flannagan, a cocktail waiter from Clapham. Welcome Brian. Would you please tell us your occupation and specialist subject?

Err, my occupation is Cocktail-Maker, and my specialist subject is 'Making New York Cocktails and General Bar-Work'.

'Making New York Cocktails'! How interesting. Thank you Brian. Can I ask you what made you choose this subject?

Yes, well I make cocktails for a living. It's my profession.

A professional Cocktail-Maker. Excellent, and how did you end up in that line of work?

Well, as a gay man, I have spent a lot time drinking cocktails and in cocktail bars. After years of watching them being prepared, in between trips to the gents, I felt that it was something that I could easily pick up.

Is there a real skill to it then?

No, not really, not at all. Cocktail-making is just a matter of picking the right quantities of the right ingredients and then of mixing them together with the required panache…At the time, when I first went in for Cocktail-Making as a career, I was actually working as a Fighter Pilot for the US Air Force - A job that I hated.

You hated it?

Yes, absolutely despised it. It was making me uphappy,.. My boyfriend, back in those days, talked me into quitting and told me to follow my dream. So, back in the spring of (19) 88 I quit Fighter Piloting, and started working as a trainee Cocktail-Maker, at a place called the Tiki Bar, in Jamaica. To be honest, I never looked back from there.

But you now live over here in the UK, is that right?

Yes, that's right Magnum. I met my new love - Dale Winton - whilst he was on holiday in Jamaica. We had a whirlwind romance and he subsequently ended up bringing me back over to these shores,…..oh, it must be five years ago now! Real 'Shirley Valentine' stuff!! I am currently working behind the bar in a branch of Riley's in Twickenham.

Riley's the snooker club,..err snooker people?

Yes, that's right. The snooker club.

Nothing to do with New York then?

No, it's in Twickenham. But I have been to New York. I know it,….and we do have American pool tables in Riley's.

Ha ha! Great stuff. Well, it's good to have you here Brian.

Good to be here Magnum.

Ok, Brian, you have two minutes on your specialist subject - 'Making New York Cocktails and General Bar-Work' , are you ready?

Yes.

Then I'll begin:

A shooter cocktail, containing Vodka and Amaretto is known as a Screaming what?

Queer.

No, Orgasm. The popular Californian cocktail made from Vodka, Creme de Cassis, OJ and Peach Schnapps, is known as what?

Oh,..i know this one, it's on the tip of my tongue,…Err, Sex up the Arse.

No sorry. It's Sex on the Beach.

You have a 50 year old bottle of Chateau-neuf du Pape. Do you leave it to breathe after you've opened it?

Yes, certainly.

No,...It hasn't breathed for fifty years, it's dead! Just drink it!

Word association. 'Foster's in Twickenham Rileys'?

Off.

Correct.

Any other draft beer in Twickenham Riley's?

Off.

Correct.

In terms of pool or snooker. To pot a ricocheted White ball whilst attempting to pot another of your object balls. Is to 'go in,..'?

Off.

Correct.

The price of a bottle of Kopparberg cider in Twickenham Riley's.

Oh,.i dunno,..2,..no,...£3.50.

No, £4.75.

To grab a birds tits after 25 pints is to make a 'drunken what,..?

Pass.

Correct.

In connection with Riley's in Twickenham. How many reasons are there to go there, other than to play Snooker or American Pool?

Err,..no sorry, I can think of none.

Correct.

Again, in connection with Riley's in Twickenham.What law says that 'anything else is always better'?

Ah, I know this one, it’s 'Coughlin's Law'.

Sorry, that’s wrong. It’s 'Sod’s'.

Bugger!

No 'Sod's'!.......... What is cockney rhyming slang for a Singapore Sling?

A 'Ding-a-Ling'?

I've started so I'll finish. What is cockney rhyming slang for the Singapore Sling?

A,..err,..Ding-a-Ling.

Oh right, oh, yes correct. I see what you did there. Err,..I thought that was the buzzer!! Haha! So,..are we finished now then or what?! Errr,..*pressing his hand to his earpiece*,…I'm told that we've time for one more question…………Upon entering Twickenham Riley's what is the pervading aroma?

Piss.

*the ending buzzer goes*

Thank you Brian Flannagan. At the end of that round you have scored 6 points! *applause*…………Brian, you passed on just the one - Upon entering Twickenham Riley's what is the pervading aroma? The correct answer was 'Piss'.

I said 'Piss'

Oh did you? I thought you said 'Pass'.

Pass off, did i!!

Brian's rating for Twickenham Rileys - 2/ 10

Rolosocosy

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