London Stone (Cannon Street)

Count Von Count (Sesame Street)

*The Count is in the London Stone propping up the bar with a crew of bats. The bats are all hovvering around him, flapping drunkenly in mid air.*

Hahahaha! Okay my lovely friends. What a session this is!

What round is this? I love counting rounds.

What is this six, or seven? Let us think. So I got the first. That was one. One round Hahahaha!

Boris. Boris got the second. One round for Me and one round for Boris. 2 rounds! Hahahahaha.

Hahaha, Hic, ha!! Let,..let us continue with this in a minute. My memory is not what it was. For the moment, let us just get more drinks.

Who's round is it now?! Hahahahaha!

*One bat flaps up in the air rising from the pack, indicating that it is his round.*

Ah, Basil, it is your round I see. Well said my friend. So let's take the order, what does everybody want?

*All the bats flap around haphazardly, some darting towards the optics, others to the beer pumps, one flaps over to a bottle of half emptied Merlot, another gets so excited that he smashes into a lampshade. It's chaos.*

Ah, hahahaha! I tell you what my friends, why don't we make this simpler by voting? Who want's to vote? Voting is like counting, but in teams! Hahahaha!

*All the bats shoot up in the air as one, indicating assent.*

Hahahhaaha! Ok, great, now settle down. Ok, who wants lager? Which group are the team who want lagers. Pints of lagers,…

*Four bats shoot up toward the ceiling, flapping away.*

Hahahahahaha! One,..Two,..Three,…Four pints of lager please John. Hahahahahaha!

Ok, ok,…who wants the red wine?

*The four flap down from the ceiling and three others shoot upwards in their place.*

Hahahahahaha! One,..Two,..Three large glasses of red wine please John. Hahahahahaha!

Ok, who wants Guinness. The pints of the Guinness. Hahahahahaha!

One,..two,..just 2 of the Guinness please John. Hahahahahaha! It is a little heavy.

And finally,..oh, it is just you left young Barry. What would yoooooooooooou like? You floating voter you! Hahahaha!

*Barry flies over to the Jack Daniels.*

Hahahahaha! A lone vote! And one Jack Daniels and Cokey Coley please John. Hahahahahaha!

Hahahahaha, pay the man Basil!

Hahahahaha! What a round that was! What a great system we have. What a laugh we are all having and what fun it is to vote. Hahahahaha!

Cheers everyone! Down your hatches!

Hahahahaha!

Terrific stuff. So lets drink these drinks up and get over to The Old Bell pub for another great round.

What?!,..You would think maybe The Ship pub would be better instead? What's that Bertie,..you would prefer The Jamaica pub to The Ship?

Hahahahahaha! We cannot agree can we? Can we not agree on anything?! Hahahahahaha!

There is, it seems, only one solution. Lets,..put,..it,..to,..a,………….VOTE!! Hahahahahaha!

*All the bats go nuts with excitement.*

Hahahahaha! Who wants to go to The Bell?

One,..Two,….Two bats! Two bats want to go to the Bell. Hahahahaha! Disappointing, but I take your point about it being expensive. Hahahahaha!

Who wants to go the The Jamaica?

One,..Two,..Three! Three bats want to go to the Jamaica. Hahahahaha! Yes, it is good but it used to be better. Hahahahaha!

Ok, so, finally. Who wants to go the The Ship?

One,..Two,..Three,..Four,…Five bats! Five bats want to go to The Ship! Hahahahaha! Yes, yes, it is probably the best of the bunch, with it's reasonable prices and it's outside area to do the smoke. Hahahahaha!

Ok lads. The votes have been counted! The Ship it is! Drink up, drink up,..drink up,…that is,….unless,..UNLESS!!??

There IS one other option! I have just had a brain wave. Instead of The Ship, instead of The Jamaica, and instead of The Bell. What about we all stay here,...here in The London Stone,... AND VOTE,... ALL - NIGHT - LONG????!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

*All the bats go ballistic and hurtle upwards, some bouncing off the walls and smashing into the ceiling. Screeching with delight, it's a unanimous decision.*

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! More voting it is!!

Ok,... talk amongst yourselves for a moment and decide upon your voting for the next round. In the meantime,.. I must take a slash, but I will be back.

*the Count staggers over to the bookcase and slips in behind it.*

One slash, two slash,………SIX SLASHES!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Count Von Count's Rating for the London Stone - 9 / 10

Rolosocosy

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• Natural Selection,..

  “,….. Why didn’t they live to be 100?Huh? Well, they woz running round all day, hunting mammoths, eating berries,..rumping their little hearts out. No boozing or smoking. They must have been fit as fiddles. Yer Neanderthalls……….I’ll tell you why, it’s … Continue reading →