Ryans Bar (Blackfriars)

Sean Miller (Patriot Games)

What is it about the fekkin English and they're fekkin lunches?

They have a reputation for their politeness, their sophistication, for their class system and for their manners, have these English. But there is no evidence of any of that in city of London pubs come midday. It's like feeding time in that London Zoo round these parts of a weekday lunchtime ain't it my lovely. May I call you Ryan's gal? I suppose that it was Ryan who recruited you?

Contrast that with the situation here in 'Yer man's' place now, at five past five on a Tuesday! Well, You and I could take all our clothes off and run around naked and no one would be any the wiser would they?

…Shall we?.....What would you think to something like that?

I mean, you're Ryan's gal right? Between Me and Yourself. They're animals, the English, do you not think? Not gentleman like the Irish,..like Me, I'm Irish,..like Me and Ole Ryan I'm guessin! Yeah another Guinness and double brandy would be nice a right about now. To be sure.

In what kind of modern civilised society is it acceptable to have 2, 3,...neigh, 5, 6, 7 pints of a lunchtime!!? It's inhuman, and it beggars the old belief,..and you wouldn't catch us doing something like that in Ireland, oh no,.. I can tell you's. A hard days graft and then a couple of pints, yeah maybe. But not 7! Jasus, certainly not 7! At least not at lunch,…Not a drop would pass my lips before 3 of an afternoon. You need your wits about yourself in my game. I'm sure that you's feel the same way in Poland? You and I seem well suited, do you not think yourself?

Why don't you loosen that there blouse. There's no sign of Ryan and there's only you and I here,….No?

I'll tell ya, if you're listening little lady. Your Englishman is a paradoxical animal. He'll be the first to hold the door open for you in the hours of the morning, but he'll be the first one to smash it into your face come the evening-time. You don't want to pay them any mind. They're Jeckyls and Hydes my cute little friend. That's what they are. Nothing like us Irish, or I imagine like you Poles, for that matter.

A fair days work for a fair day pay is what we say in Kildare, and I imagine you all feel the same way back home in Krackow? Sure, I imagine it's great over there? Yeah go on then,..top this one up will you please. And whilst your at it, take that top off, if you feel the inclination?

Booze. That's their problem. They've a right problem with that! These English just cannot handle it. Not like back in the Emerald Isle where yeah, to be sure, the men are men and we all like a drink,..but at the right time, in the right place. None of this 'day-time in the sunshine' bullsh*t. You wouldn't find a 'pub garden' back home in Ireland. What would you be wanting with a thing like that?!

Mind you, it IS hot in here today isn't it. The emptiness and bare floorboards seem to be accentuating this heat. Do not keep your clothes on, purely on my account my lovely. Oh you're fine? Well then yeah, why don't you go on and run another raid on them optics. A Glenfiddich would sure be nice to accompany this pint,….and you.

Me? And drinking? For sure, I'm Irish,..i can take it or leave it. Although I'll mostly take it. But what I will say is this. If your gonna drink, then DRINK and don't f*ck around.

It makes me laugh, looking at all these English fekkers with their lunchtime sessions in the pub. To Me, and I imagine to You, and certainly to Ryan,..lunch-time drinking and then heading on back to work, and then safely home in the evening, makes fck all sense. It's like slowly undressing a beautiful woman, and then just walking away,…………it's nonsense! Have you ever undressed another woman my dear?

,………...

No, I have not. But I know what you are saying about these English. And I am not Ryan's girl by the way. I do not know the man. Mrs Mary is my boss, but she is not here at the moment. My name is Eva, nice to meet you. I see you here everyday, do I not? Till now we have not spoken….but now you drunk, you flirt.

,…but yes, I really do agree with what it is that you are saying. It is silly, it is stupid, it is a nonsense, this drinking of beer during the day. I hate the English. As you say,..these things that they do! They are terrible things, they are terrible people. They come in here for their lunch, and they drink and they laugh, and then they go back and work, and then go home to their families!! When I think about it, I really do not know what people like You and I are doing here in England, when the countries of our birth, they are so much better in all ways.

Tell me Mr Irish,…would you like another Guinness pint? You are, how they say, 'Alcoholic' yes?"

Sean's rating for Ryan's Bar - 3/10

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