Aleksandr Orlov (Compare the Meerkat)

Market Inn (Winchester), now William Walker

My name is Aleksandr Orlov, founder of Comparethemeerkat dot com.

You have seen me in television for my company, which support inept meerkat with datings.

Copy-kat insurance website cause very many problem for Aleksandr in Moscow. So I hire former secret police friends to make resolution to my complaint.

Two weeks ago, they tell me very fast must leave for UK. “Insurance website owners likely for bad car problems,” they tell me. “Accidents require not insurance policy, but hospital with possible severe hurt.”

This not huge problem for Aleksandr; I come to UK very much and special Weston Super Mare is crazy holiday favourites. But there is number two reason to leave home town.

Mrs Orlov very anger. It follow misunderstanding issue with Bellydancekat audition for website. British tabloid camera photography with large vegetable pose, cause much disgrace in my house.

* winks * Aleksandr give her cool-down time. Good thing she not know about Scubakat, baby costume and whip cream trifle!  

Unlike lazy Mongoose-type, I not sit on furry arse when not at work. Capitalism bring strong to my country; opportunity come to those prepared to peddle bicycle in fast lane. Even in economic crunch time.

In famous Surbiton Station Hotel, London, I bump into UK website innovators Falling Down the Pub. After make chat and drinks time, I agree to write pub review; I tell them speak and write good English; I learn from a cassette tape.

I hope I send to Weston Super Mare. But they say Weenchester need skills of Aleksandr. Very poor pubs for drunken proletariat, they tell me. Curious bar with open fire have animal with cloth jacket to make warm while drink Courvoisier and chat with locals. Need strong review!

This not work, I tell them. I do for fun!

Simples!

So I am thinking at the time. They tell me they want me to 'compare the Market Inn', with other pubs in town. It all very confuse for Aleksandr.

When I arrive, pub is called Market inn. It is filthy place with smell like Furry Terror of 1920s. Not fit for mongoose.

I meet man with potato fist who tell me about the demand money with menaces. I don’t tell him that Russian capitalists, well know this skill. I smile and buy drinks of lager and he show me art of cricket bowling.

After terrible night, I write review in hotel, saying pub is very poor and with much stinking smell. I prepare to leave for Weston Super Mare.

Next day, I walk past and – overnight - pub change! Now it is William Walker. Doesn't even sound same!

Who William Walker anyway?

And so I do research by internet. I find William Walker - hero brick layer. Famous diver man who shore-up foundations of big church of cathedral in town with bicycle. He save God’s house from falling down.

Without Market Inn, I cannot compare the Market. I tell people from fallingdownthepub. They say review now worthless; call me useless rodent. And slam down phone.

Wasted trip! They not interested in compare falling down cathedral pub.

Fallingdownthecathedralpub.co.uk ?

Hmmm, That not bad idea for website.

I register name. Then arrange severe car problems for fallingdownpub mongeese.

Aleksandr’s rating for the Market - £100 saving / 10

Sputnikski