Hank Baileygates (Me, Myself & Irene)

Angies III (Willesden)

*Having been asked for a spare cigarette and/or change, once too often on Willesden High Road, Charlie Baileygates flips under the pressure and his alter-ego Hank comes to the fore. Keen for some action, Hank immediately eyes the nearest boozer and spots a sign for Poker night in Angies. So of course, in he goes,...*

Hey Candypants! Where do you want me to sit?

I'll need to scope the area beforehand, for hidden cameras and possible assailants...

Oh, you're not ready yet. No problem. Just give me a yell when it's game-on, and in the meantime, i'll have a Screwdriver on the rocks. And hey,.......lets crank up that smile Sweetlumps!

*to himself*

This is more like it. A proper no-frills Willesden boozer. Just the type of place to scare the pants off old Charlie - the lily-livered pussy.

Edgy and Fresh, just like ole Hank here. And a smoking area out the back in the yard to boot.

And look! Look at this,..they've left the dartboard on the door that leads out to the smoking zone! F*ck my ozone! What a move. Just my kind of caper.

*to the guy organising the poker*

Hey Ringworm! When does it all kick-off? I've an itchy finger for some Tuesday night poker action.

7.30! Be sure to call me over when it's time for us to take our seats.

Sweetie! What's the ETA on that Screwdriver? Yes, vodka,..vodka and orange. Ok yeah, vodka and clubbed orange then. Whatever you've got.

Listen, make sure you serve me up a smile with that Prissy-Pants. I'm not here to tweak your niblets.

Why the bad attitude? Let me guess. You came over here from Australia, thinking that the streets would be paved with gold. The idea was to send all your money home, avoiding all taxes. 2 years you thought, and then you imagined that you'd be back home in your beach-side condo, having milked the UK economy,...

And here you are now, 5 years later, in the arse-end of North West London, sharing a flat with 10 others, and with a slight alcohol problem.

Hows my aim?

Thats it. Walk away why don't you. You remind me of Charlie you know. He's a yellow bastard too!

Ah, i see that the tables are being prepared. Count ole Hank in for a game or two of the old 5 card stud.

*walking over to the table Hank mutters to himself*

Charlie is the mouse who got us into this maze, i'm the rat that is gonna bring home the cheese.

*as he goes to take his seat, a huge meat-head nips in front of Hank and steals it. Fuming, Hank stoops down and goes eye-ball to eye-ball.*

Hey Ringworm! Get your cock out of my Chrysler!!

Hank Baileygates' rating for Angies III - 2 /10

Rolosocosy