O'Neills (Earls Court)

Elwood P Dowd (Harvey)

Big fella? Long Ears? Usually has a bit of lettuce caught in one of his front teeth? A face that could stop a clock? Yeah, thats him, that's Harvey alright. Whereabouts was he? Around a group of young ladies I'd imagine? Probably off 'working the room' in some fashion. Maybe round the corner, or on the fruit-machine maybe,….?

Oh well. I'm sure he'll be back round here pretty soon. In the meantime I'll crack on with our Pitcher.

Yes, yes, it's 'our' Pitcher! You think that I'd be drinking this on my own!? Are you mad mister? Do I look like a heavy drinker?!

Nah, I'm not a big drinker myself. But I can't let my old friend Harvey down. And these big buckets do make monetary sense……….

See,……….. Harvey and I sit in pubs... have a drink or two... And play the fruity,…thats what we do.We usually warm ourselves in all these golden moments, with several pints of the golden stuff.

We enter the pub as strangers, but soon we have friends. And they come over... and they sit with us... and they drink with us... and they talk to us, and they say things like 'who the f*ck is Harvey you nut-case',……and we laugh. They tell us about the terrible boozers they have been to, and about the counsel we should seek. We don't listen of course, but it is nice to have funny people around…...

And when they leave,….they leave impressed. The same punters seldom come back to our table; but hey, that's London my friend! It is, after all, a big impersonal town!!

,………..Now where the hell has he got too?

Not a clue? Well, oh well,…he'll be back around here soon I'd imagine. In the interim - Cheers!

The Pitcher? How many pints in it? We'll 4 I think. Yeah, 4 - look, it says it on that board over there - '4 pint Pitcher of Fosters for 10 smackeroos!' Now, thats the kind of offer that you can't turn your nose up at! And, be sure of one thing my friend - Harvey can really tuck them away!.....Boy can that guy put the pints to bed mister. Sometimes I think that he must have hollow legs and a bottomless pouch - the amount of booze that he can 'see off.'

Good old Harvey. Yeah,………..he's usually the life and soul of any party, a real 'Funny Bunny'. I just don't know where he has gotten to now!

He's always,...you know, here and there,..now and then ,...to this one and that one,..flitting and flirting about. And he's very fond of rum-pots. Rum-pots and crack-pots. He likes nothing more than passing the time of day with the other pub patrons, and he'll be around here somewhere,….or hereabouts.

Anywho,……..Prost!

A great laugh is Harvey. You'll meet him in a minute. Maybe he's outside on the mobile, chatting to one of his ladies, having a fag.

Oh, I don't know really,..he could be most anywhere, knowing what that fella is like. Sometimes, you know, we stop and watch the sunsets, and look at the birds flyin'. Sometimes we sit in my bedsit and watch the birds when there ain't no birds. And look at the sunsets from atop the Trellick Tower when its raining. We have a swell time, and then we go to the pub………And we'll have a swell time tonight as well, if he ever comes back and shows his face!

,……..Oh well, it's busy in here ain't it. Maybe he's just behind that crowd chattin' to some mates.

Anyway,….bottoms up. Salut!

Best mates we are, Harvey and I,…..He really is a great bloke,..albeit a little protective over his booze. Speaking of which, you and I seem to have torn a real hole in this pitcher mister. He won't be happy with that.!! 

How has this happened? Maybe someone pilfered from our pitcher whilst I've been rabbiting away!! Did you see who did it? Did you see the reprobate who scooped some pints out of the jug whilst I was wittering on to you!!!?

No!!!! You saw no one?!! Well, just,….what,…..are,….we,….like!!!

Ooooooooooh, Harvey won't be best pleased about this! He likes his fair share of the beer, for his £5 stake. So,…...I suppose I better go get another pitcher to replenish this almost empty one. We don't want him kicking-off when he gets back.

He's a lovely fellow for sure, is old Harvey, but you don't wanna rub him up the wrong way, especially if he is a little, you know, 'Spiffed.'

Right,….I'm just off to the bar then I guess. And whilst I'm gone, make sure that you don't touch Harvey's Nachos!

They call it a 'Sharer Platter' , but you can be damn sure, that I won't be going anywhere near them either!

Elwood's rating for O'Neill's - 9/10

Rolosocosy

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