Kings Head (Mayfair)

Mrs Doubtfire

Och Laddie, you'rrrre absolutely right. Therrrres nothing that I like betterrr, after a loverrly creeeeeeeeam tea at The Ritz, than 20 or 30 wee pints of strong European Lagerrrr in a hostelry nearrrby - and I'm surrrrrre that all of my lady-frrrriends would agree....?

Wouldn't you's girls?

Ooooooooch aye, they would, they would. Simply divine me darrrrlings!!!

You see, they do the most marrrvellous wee scones in The Ritz don't you know? Fluffy, wee and dainty they are, but crrrispy rrrround the edges and imbued with that cerrrtain wee 'Je ne sais quois', that only yeeeeears of caterrring experrrience can provide Laddie.

A bit like us, huh girls?!!! Ooooch aye!..............More wee Earl Greys all rrrrround please Marrrrcoos!

Och, the old clotted crrrrream that they serrrrve with the wee scones in The Ritz is also divine. Och, it's chhhurrrned and chhhhilled on the very same day I believe, and serrrved accompanied by some absolutely exquisite Home-Counties-Made Rrrrrasberrrrrry Jam, which I'm told, is chaufferrrrred over everrry morrrrning by a wee laddie from the Provinces.

Och, it's simply adorrrrable don't you know.

To my mind laddie, therrrre is nothing on this planet that beats a wee Darrrjeeling serrrrved in a wee cup and wee saucerrr - which have been crrrafted in the finest china - and serrrrved experrrrtly frrrom the pot by a young wee Sassanach waiterrr who rrrreally knows his onions - and how to trrreeeat ladies of a certain age. Am I rrrreet or am I wrrrrrong girls?!

Occccch,..of courrrrse I am rrright. Thank you Marrrcoos daaaaaaaaaaaaarling! You'rrrre a wee gem.

And nothing, and I mean nothing, beats copious pint's of the old 'Golden Stuff' afterrrr a wonderrrrrful teeeatime get-together such as this.

Who's with me girrrrls!!?

Oocccch Aye!!!

So, that's for why,..most Tuesdays and Thurrrrsdays,…oh, and the occasional wee Wednesday - The girrrrrls and I like to get together for a spot of wee tea in The Wee Ritz, and then to finish it off with a rrrrrright rrrrrroyal wee session in The Old, (and wee, and canny) Kings Head arrrrund the cornerrrr!

It's a llllarge wee Mac Nicholson's pub, this one, don't you know,..and prrrrriced verrry rrrrrreasonably as well.

And, at the end of the day, whetherrrr it be a wee tea and some wee scones, or a bit of the old wee hard liquorrrrr,..you get what you pay forrrrr, don't you my daaarrrrling. And rrrright now my sweet,….I'm paying under £12 forrrr a wee rrrrrround of fourrrr Carrrrling Tops. Och,..not bad at all considerrrring our wee location.

We'rrrrre Ladies Who Lunch, after all, don't you know my sweet. And; stapled they may be, but afterrrrrnoon boozing is a wee mugs game if you don't line yourrrrr wee stomachs,..Am I rrrrrrrreet, or am I rrrrreet girls?!

Occcch Aye Tha Noo!!

Ooooch, I've forrrrrgotten to get wee Marrrry a wee drrrrink. Wherrre is she, in The Gents again….? I'll have to go back to the wee bar and get herrrr one. Firrrre up the wee Quiz Machine forrr a wee game of wee Deal or wee No Deal will you Angnes,…I've a wee bounty of pound coins in my bag over therrrre if you’re needing them.

A pint of that Speckled Badger nonsense as usual for Mary is it Angnes? Yes,..Well, she'll be thanking herr lucky starrrrs that she lined herr wee stomach,… if she’s drinking that f*cking WEE,…Och, the silly old wee trout!!

Mrs Doubtfire’s rating for The King’s Head – 8 / 10

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  “,….. Why didn’t they live to be 100?Huh? Well, they woz running round all day, hunting mammoths, eating berries,..rumping their little hearts out. No boozing or smoking. They must have been fit as fiddles. Yer Neanderthalls……….I’ll tell you why, it’s … Continue reading →