Railway (West Hampstead)

Les Grossman (Tropic Thunder)

Hey Schmucks! Is there anyone in here who fancies earning themselves a cool grand? Anyone? Please,..

A cool grand to the fella who goes over there and gives Boychik behind the bar a solid right hook. No? Well the offer is there, it's there on the table, which is more than I can say for the Guinness that I asked for,..nigh on twenty minutes ago.

2 grand then! Any takers at 2 Grand? 2 Grand and the keys to my SMART car. Now theres an offer….

No?! Oh man, what is the matter with you people?

Hey Wet-wipe. Where is my Guinness Shmeckle? I'm waitin over here. Stop chatting to your boyfriend and start doing what you are paid to do….you fruitloop.

THIS,... is the worst pub in London by a mile, do you know that? BY - A - MILE!

The tables are messy, the punters are scum, the fruities are moody and the service is abysmal. What is this place, a finishing academy for graduates from The School of Clueless Pansies!? If so, then you must be Valedictorian my man!

Look at this bar,..it's about 50 feet long, and you've one effeminate Nancy "working," at 7pm on a Thursday night in August. 'Working', by leaning over the far end of the bar, chatting-up some stool pigeon on a tea break, whilst the rest of the customers stand around drumming their fingers.

This is the last time that I will be in here my friend, you can bank on that you cockamamie fairy-cake f*ck.

After this Guinness, I am cutting you loose Yutzi, and you can mark my words on that!! Bring me that f*cking pint, you prick.

There is 'Settling' and then there is 'Settling' baby,..that Guinness must be so f*cking settled right now, i'm jealous! it's probably got it's f*cking slippers on in front of the TV.

Seriously, a nut-less monkey would be more use to me than you.

I am not kidding,….a nut-less monkey could do your job. And better. 

You think i'm joking?! It was on CNN only the other day. A little feel-good article at the end of the 6 O'Clock Round-up, about a little monkey who served drinks over in some bar in Thailand,...or somewhere over there. Yeah,..he was able to pull beers for the regulars and he even ran towels over to em to mop-up any over-spill.

I dunno whether he was actually nut-less or not, but the fella certainly had some 'get up and go' about him. Which is more than can be said for you Tweety Pie.

Oi Vai!! First rule of any business is don't f*ck with the customer you klutz. Don't bite the hand that feeds ya. If you price these Magners at $3.98, then $3.98 is what you charge. Two cents 'change' Boychik, that's part of the contract. It don't make no odds whether it's disregarded at the bar or not, you still hand it over in the first instance F*ckface.

Take a step back. Go on, take a good step back and then F*CK YOUR OWN FACE! I mean it.

And don't you dare tut your dirty little potty mouth, when people ask for their 2 cents change Nutsack! You best give em their 2 cents Jimbob,...and now I'm giving you mine! You wanna take 4 bucks for a beer, then price it at 4 bucks a beer. $3.98 is $3.98, it is what it is. Hit me with the Cambio Wingnut!

US Dollars, Euros, Pesatas, whatever! I know it's Sterling, Jumblebutt! Your work certainly ain't!

You, yeah you. Bring that drink on over here Shirley,......and then 'POW!'..You and I are gonna dance!

Les Grossman's rating for The Railway - 0 / 10

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