Two Brewers (Chipperfield)

Alonzo (Training Day)

Lads, I totally agree. It's a sh*tty assignment; one of the worst in recent memory…..but lets all just think about the pay-off.

Potentially, two hundred pounds (sterling) worth of heavily cut cocaine,..a dozen or so moody ecstasy tablets, and if we are particularly lucky,…there will be some Stellas in the farm fridge when we are done.

Word is, that these 'Land Workers' are serious party animals on the sly, and I have it on good authority that they received their quarterly subsidy payment only the other day, so,... this Friday should be the blow-out to end all blow-out's.

Reconnaissance have informed me that they (the farmers) will be in here,..The Two Brewers at about 6pm. Being creatures of habit, they will have two or three pints, and then head back across the fields for their 'after party'. And this is where we'll get em,…….in the fields,..half-cut,..when they are at their most vulnerable,..

I know, I know. The out-fits,..I know that they are not the best, but listen,..

,..I hate going under cover at times like these as much as the next guy. But it is an unfortunate fact of life when you're a member of Hertfordshire Rural PD and working the mean fields of the Green Belt,...spanning Bedmond through to The Langleys.

And,……...don't let it ever be said that I would ask you fellas to do things that I would not do myself. I think we all know that I lead by example and that this is simply not the case.

Remember the time when I got dressed-up as a sex-witch in order to infiltrate the Berkhamstead chapter of the Masons,………! Exactly! Literally 'putting my ass' on the line for the team!

Dealing with the scum and villiany that are rife in Englands second greenest home county, is the path that we all have chosen, it's our 'cross to bear' if you will. However, let's not forget why we got into this in the first place,..why we went through the gruelling 3 day induction programme and basic literacy test. Nothing,..and I mean nothing, beats the buzz of bustin a serious crime ring like this, and then nicking the stash from the perps!

Yes, yes, I know they look funny,..but believe me these costumes are absolutely necessary. In an hour from now, we will leave here and strategically place ourselves in various locations in that field over there; on the approach to Tumbledown Farm. And we absolutely cannot afford to be noticed.

Sure. Make the most of the Carvery lads,...and i'll be gettin a round of Brandys, in a minute, to give us all some fire in our bellies. The forecast, by the way, is 10 degrees with the chance of a light shower or two, but it's nothing we can't handle. Fall back on your training.

,...These costumes are exactly what we need. Yes, I know that they are a little cumbersome, but we all just need to bite the bullet and to take one for the team in order to get the job done.

Think of yourselves as actors! An undercover cop has roles that he is suited to and those that he isn't - those roles that, although inevitable, are a little bit more of a stretch,……..succeeding in these roles is what sets you apart as an elite village cop, as opposed to a run of the mill bobby.

If a jobs worth doing (and they only are, if there is a pay-off at the end), then it's worth doing well. In this case, doing it well, means dressing-up as required, in order to blend-in, in a rural/rustic environment………..

Ok,...any questions,..? *all hands go up*

Any questions,…….bearing in mind that I have already explained about my out-fit!!?

*All hands go down*

Nothing!!! Good, good. Now,…….Wheres the new boy? Our newest team member,….Jakey?

Ah, there you are Jake! Put that pint down for a second and come up here Bro,..I've got something for ya.

Don't be shy, don't be shy,………..this is your time to shine.

*Pulling a Sesame Street - Big Bird out-fit from a large sack.*

Whack THIS on, my man! You're on point tonight my brother,..

Yeah,..it's the same for every newbie,..a baptism of fire, straight in at the deep-end.

Oh, and make sure that you take these Pork Scratchings in your pouch as well. You might wanna sprinkle them around on the floor in the Farmyard. So you'll have something to peck around at and keep your strength up, whilst we wait for the moment to strike,…?

Don't let me down.

Alonzo's rating for The Two Brewers - 8/ 10

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