Aragorn (Lord of the Rings)

McGowans aka Ceili on the Green (Willesden)

*Friday 11.05am - Sat on his own in the Willesden branch of McGowans. Aragorn nurses a Guinness and is leafing through a copy of the Daily Mirror. He looks totally shagged-out, in his clothes from the night before, he has bits of food in his beard. Bracing himself and forcing down a large swig of his pint he reluctantly heads out to the make-shift back 'Smoking Area',..and presses the dial button on his mobile.*

Hello Gimli?...Gimster, yeah it's me, Aragorn here, hows it going?

Yeah, yeah, not to bad, not too bad at all,............well a little bit ropey to tell you the truth. Willesden. What about you, where are you at? The Conference Centre yeah,..

,...Yeah, yeah, already? I thought as much. Jesus, and you're all there are ya? What, the whole fellowship? Frodo? Sam? Boromir? Lego? Even Merry,..don't tell me that Merry made it in!!? He did?,...that little!,...Yeah, so it's all of ya?!

,...Yeah course. I know, i  know,..we're 'bound' *doing the, either side of the head - imaginary speech marks - impression*.....

..I can't believe i've messed this one up Gimli, i really can't believe it. But, listen, i ain't gonna make it down there today i'm afraid.....I know, i know,..i'm an idiot. But theres no way that i will be able to get ready and onto the tube in time. Sorry,....

Yeah,...just one or two yeah,...a little bit heavy yeah.. sorry. Listen, i suppose you'd better put me on to Gandalf mate,...yeah,...see you Monday i guess. Laters.

,............Hello Gandalf? Aragon here. Yeah,....no,...i'm  feeling a bit off colour today, i won't be joining you guys for the last day of the course i'm afraid. Dicky stomach yeah, something i ate i guess...

,...Yes, yes i know that you guys were banking on me. I know....Sorry...

,..Well, fried chicken and chips,..and an orange juice. Actually, now that i think of it, the orange juice did hum a little bit yeah. I didn't check the 'best before date',........*insincerely* Bugger!

,..No really, it did. It was either the juice or the chicken. You know what these chicken places are like don't you?!

,..No? Well i don't suppose it's the same thing in Highgate, but let me tell you down here in Willesden,...

,...No, no,...honestly, i didn't touch a drop. I know, i know,..it's the team building 'sheep-dog trials' today. I know,...yes,........i'm gutted, believe me.

,..Of course i know that we were only two points off the lead in the 'car-park treasure hunt'. Listen,..i'm with you guys you know that,..with you in spirit, with you all the way!! 'Damn that kebab!!!' Is what i say. F*cking Greeks!!

,...Oh yeah,...chicken,..i mean't chicken,...'Damn that chicken kebab.'

Fried?! Oh did i?...Juice?! Oh yeah sorry, thats what i meant.

,..No of course not. Would i lie to you Gandalf? Would i lie to you?!

,...What do you mean, you can tell,...what are you a mind reader?! I tell you i did not touch a drop. I'm gutted about the whole thing...Ooooooh my poor tummy. *smiling to himself*

,..Now don't try to trick me Gandalf,..i can't take it, on this stomach. I AM ILL i tell you,..i will not be leaving my bed today i can tell you...*Leans back through the door catching the barmaids eye, he lifts his elbow and puts an imaginary glass to his mouth,..giving the internationally recognised "another drink" gesture.*  Ooooh the pain!

Yeah, yeah,...of course i'm listening. No,..no don't dial back on the landline,..i err,..look,..like i told you i'm bedridden,..i would not be able to make it to the hall. No, it's not on the bedside table. *The fruitmachine blares out in the background as some other bum strickes it 'daytime lucky.'*

,............That?....That's err,....my doorbell,........yeah,...funky ain't it!!

...You've been round my house before!!? Oh yeah,.yeah, of course you have, the 'team' *speech marks again* barbeque..... Well,..it's new, i had it fitted just last week,..i err,.....err,...........OH F*CK IT, You've got me Gandalf,..you win, i'm in the pub alright!!

,...I was a mug trying to fool you weren't I? What with that 'all-seeing-eye' or whatever it is...

,..Ok, ok, yes you're right,..i was drinking allllllllll night last night yeah! A pub crawl down Kilburn High Road it was, if you're interested...

,...Yeah,..wicked,..f*cking decent it was. And,...since we're being totally honest here,.....well, by the end, I WAS F*CKING LEGLESS!!!!

What do you mean?.. *impersonating Gandalf in a snooty voice*,..."Well, at least 'HE' made it in today..........?!!"

Aragorn's rating for McGowan's - 6/10

Rolosocosy