Pontefract Castle (Marylebone)

Hudson and Mrs Bridges (Upstairs Downstairs)

Mrs Bridges: Oh dear me Mr ‘Udson, this don’t seem right to me at all. You knows I’m not one for putting on all airs and graces. Sitting on the top floor when there’s a perfectly good basement bar for the likes of us; it really won’t do at all.

Mr Hudson: Come now Mrs Bridges, you must not fret. I’ll admit to feeling a little uncomfortable myself, but we must accept the changing tides. These days those of us ‘in-service’ are as welcome on the top floor of establishments like the Pontefract as the master of the house himself.

Mrs Bridges: Oh, I knows you’re right, Mr ‘Udson, really I do. But that don’t change how I feel. I still say it don’t seem natural. I mean I’m a woman of simple tastes, yet ‘ere we are with our own little bar, food service and entertainment screens – and in colour no less. I knows my station in life. Mr ‘Udson, please can’t we just move down to the cellar.

Mr Hudson: (kindly) If it would make you feel more comfortable Mrs Bridges, then surely we must continue our session downstairs. But would you perhaps allow me the indulgence of finishing my Fosters top here first? It is a mighty fine tipple; I’d hate to be rushed.

Mrs Bridges: (laughing) Oh deary me, of course you mustn’t go ‘urrying on my account Mr ‘Udson. That amber nectar; it ain’t for the ‘urrying that’s for sure.

* meanwhile in the basement bar, the lady of the house Marjorie and husband Richard Bellamy are enjoying a bottle of Piat D’Or in a small, dark booth *

Richard: Marjorie my dear, I can’t help noticing you seem a little pensive tonight. Is there something troubling you?

Marjorie: Actually, there is Richard. I know you brought me to the Potefract’s cellar bar to take our minds off this beastly war with the hun, and I suppose this little cove has its charms but must we be underground? The darkness, the cubicles, it's all so terribly grubby.

Richard: Come along dear. We really must try to embrace the modern world. I for one find the basement bar quite charming. In my view Hudson was absolutely right about the calm ambience in which to enjoy a glass of fine wine.

Marjorie: Hudson?! Oh really Richard. Are you telling me that we’re having a night in a public house on the recommendation of a butler?

Richard: Well, yes, I suppose I am. But come, come Marjorie. Hudson is our most long-standing and loyal servant. Do try to broaden your mind a little.

Marjorie: I will do no such thing Richard. I mean, a dirty little basement bar; this really is the limit. (rising) I absolutely insist; we must take our Piat D’Or where there are windows right now. This oppressive darkness is damaging my delicate skin.

Richard: (sighs) As you wish dear.

* turns to address the barman *

“I say, waiter. Please take this bottle and glasses to the third floor bar; we’re about to adjourn.”

“Take ‘em yerself sunshine.”

* As the lady and (angry) gentleman of the house ascend the wrought iron staircase to the top floor, they encounter Hudson and Mrs Bridges coming the opposite way *

Mr Hudson: Oh….erm….good evening sir … madam. How nice to see you here. I was remarking only five minutes since, was I not Mrs Bridges, what a fine hostelry the Pontefract Castle is. We are all welcome here, now the indignity of class, social strata and the service society are mercifully behind us….

Richard: Erm… yes.. quite so Hudson. Quite so. We’re all equal in the eyes of God and the 21st century. Jolly good to see you both, jolly good.

* they pass on the stairs, the ladies nodding politely through gritted teeth. Seconds later Mrs Bridges leans towards Mr Hudson*

Mrs Bridges: There they goes Mr ‘Udson; the bleedin' idle upper classes.

* at the same time Marjorie is whispering in Richard’s elegant ear *

Hazel: Oh why must we share the same entertainment as these dreadful, dreadful people? Isn’t it enough that we share the same planet?

Mr Hudson’s rating for the Pontefract Castle - 9 / 10
Mrs Bridges’ rating for the Pontefract - 8 / 10 (cellar bar only)
Richard Bellamy’s rating for the Pontefract - 5 / 10
Marjorie Bellamy’s rating for the Pontefract - 1914 / 10

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