Pillars of Hercules (Soho)

Blade

*Gloria Gaynor's "I will Survive" is playing softly in the background in The Pill of Herc - Blade and Dracula have hooked up for an afternoon pint with an old friend. They're catching up.*

Dracula - And I was like 'no way! Can we seriously do this? Ha Ha Ha Ha! The three of you,..media idiots?' And she was like 'Yes! All at once!...Yes way,..that's how we do it! Not even, don't even go there!!' And we were all like 'Nooooooooo! Ha Ha Ha Ha!' Totally, you know,…'Toooo much information!!' And she was like 'Waaaay,..have you got any cigarettes?!' And we were all 'Whoa, whoa,…Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!

Blade - Rewind a lil bit girlfriend, so you were with these media monkeys, ..give us the full 'Four-One-One!' *aside* "Three Foster's tops with Bloody Mary chasers please mate" Sorry, carry on Sister,….

D - So yeah,..we were all like 'Ewwwwwwwwww!! GET A ROOM you four,...i mean seriously!'. And and I was like, ‘I’m the Princess of Darkness’,…"I mean Hellooooooooo! Look at this face!! Could I be anymore,..you know,..Flagrant!!….And then like it was,..i mean,....have you got a fag?…Ewwwwww!!!' Tell em Brian you saw me, what was my face like, what was it like?!"

Brian – Yeah, C to the D is right you know,…it was all,..like you know,..all 'Ewwwww,..you know like ‘Grrrrrrrr’,…..I mean not even,..terrible people, they were!!' Gross,…. It was totally Fangs,..i mean ‘out there’ man,…smokin! And then it was all like you know,.. like Batman, but um like smaller,…and then we were like erm,. flying,....flapping in the dark!!

B - And this was in here right?"

D - Totally, right here in the Pill of Herc! I mean it was awesome,..they were awful idiots,... Totally,..i mean it was way, fierce! And it was All like “Whoooooooooooo” we gave it! Like some kinda mouse-birds we were,..like squeeling and flapping and dancing and everything,...turning em over big style!

B *aside* - "And the (silver) darts please mate, when you've got a minute."

D - I am sooooooooo so serious B!! You reeeaally do not wanna know!!  Total lame'os they were,...Seriously,...idiots!

B - So what happened?!

D - Ewwwwwwwww!! It was just, well, you know,…like awesome, but gross at the same time, knowhatamean?!! It was like,…small talk about their work,..systems development and all that,..and then it was, all girl on girl, girl on boy, boy on girl, boy on boy, action,…and we were all like Whooooa!!…….and then all of a sudden it was like 'Bitey Bitey',..then 'Flappy Flappy Flappy',.… Ewwwwwwwwwwww!! Grosso (to the max) at the end!! Going for the neck,..you know. And then we were like, you know,..high-fiving and all,..glad-handing. It was crazy. Then we got napkins.

B - Ohmygodohmygodohmygod!!!!!!! Are you saying?!

D - Exactly,……..Don't even go there Girlfriend!!! *wagging finger* ‘We were all that!! All over it,…neck-sucking like no tomorrow….And a bag ‘o’ chips!!

**** *interjecting* "Four bags of Pork Scratchings please mate"

D - And the teeth,…..Ewwww the teeth,..i mean forget about it!! I mean seriously Hellooooo,…it was all just tonsil-tennis with these idiots, at the start. Pleeeease! Have you not heard of Listerine people?!! But then we were biting anyway, tearing the fckers up, we were way wired,.. and it was like 'Whooooa' and a bit like you know ' Whatever',…….I mean helloooooooooooo,.And all ‘in the moment’ you know. Hellloooooooo - 'We,...'re,... fcking VAMPIRES here people!!!'

B - And so this was in here though right?!

D - YES,..yes,….AND on a Thursday,..it was like way, WAY crazy sister!! You know how cramped it is in here too!! Talk about ‘working it’ in confined spaces. We were makiing out like fcking Tetris sister,…Weren’t we Brian…bouncing off the fruit machine...covering all possible fcking angles,..saying "Advertise this!"

Brian – Oh yeah Girlfriend,..we fcking slayed em baby!! We Slayed em.

D – We certainly did sister!! *Giving Brian an excited kiss (smacker) on the cheek*

B –Well, you sisters are certainly ‘Doing it for yourselves’,..that is waaaay awesome,..i mean,..it's certainly, teensy weensy in here Ladies,…And you caned those fckers,....You (absolutely) go girls,..you really brought it home!!. So it was all like 'Ewwwww' and then 'Grosso' and then 'Feeding' and 'Blood' and then 'Flapping',… and then what?

D – Well,..erm yeah,.we just slated their work, killed em, drank their blood, ordered some Foster's (tops) and then had a game on the fruity. I mean 'For f**ks sake,…..Don't make a big deal about it Blade you c**t!!!

Blade's rating for The Pill of Herc - 3 / 10

Rolosocosy

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