New Moon (Leadenhall Market)

Obi Wan Kenobi (Star Wars)

Obi - Long time no see,..so how long has it been?

Darth - Too long,..too long, light-years i guess, old friend,.lets cut to the chase and get tanked up!!

Obi - Yeah, you're right, 'Long time no nemesis'' I suppose. Coh dear! What were we like back then!? We all move on in the end don't we!

Darth - We certainly do, old chum,..more Galaxies to conquer and all that. What can i get you,..chop chop?

Obi - Shandy please, if you will Darth.

Darth - Shandy!! Can i not tempt you with a Guinness Obi Wan, a bit of the old Dark Side for old times sake!?

Obi - Hahahahaha! No. No, i don't like Stout,..and well you know,..let's just take it easy.

D - Ok, fair enough, it was worth a try wasn't it, per 'haps later? A Shandy and a Guinness and Black it is. Pork Scratchings?

O - Where?!

D - Forget it,..i'll get the drinks. *Darth goes into the bar, squeezes through the rowdy suits, and returns outside with the pints*

There you go. So how are you? How's it hanging?

O - Not so bad, not so bad thanks. I'm living on Rigal 7 now. I've really settled down; it's nice and relaxed.

D - Rigal 7 huh!! Get you! Sounds lovely yeah. I'm down in Brixton (Earth) myself at the moment. I got a good deal on a bedsit ;Tulse Hill side,........it's really up and coming apparently,..but primarily, it's wicked for clubbing; Clapham 'n' tings!

O - Oh, Tulse Hill! Well done. Whats the scene like?

D - Kicking. The night life is really hard-core!

O - Oh yes, but the housing! Have you brought well, and got on the ladder?

D - 'Ladder smadder!' It's a good investment yeah, i suppose! In five years or so i reckon i'll be able to get a two bed in Balham. But hey,..let's cut to the chase,.. the bar scene well,..

O - Great, well it sounds like you've certainly done alright for yourself. I hope the pension is sorted too. Do you get out much,..you know, 'Space-wise', see any of the old crew?

D - I've not been 'up' for a while no, but i have seen a few of the old 'faces' yeah. Saw the bent droids rucking out in Soho the other week; saw Luke selling The Issue down in Blackfriars,..and yeah, Leah was working over in Spearmints for a while,.....i think that she got sacked though. Funny how things pan out ain't it. *pulls out his fags*. Sling us a light off that saber will  you Obi,......................Cheers.......So your just down here for a visit are ya?

O - Yes,..just down here for a couple of hours actually,..don't wanna go nuts! Once i'm done with you, i'm back off up to the ship. Things to do, people to see,..tidying, you know what it's like! I just thought that i should make the effort and come down to meet you. You sure you should be smoking, what with your chest an all?

D - Nah, it's fine, ease up for god's sake,..don't be such a prude,..the grill filters out most of the crap anyhow; no matter what i try, they always taste like a Silk Cut Ultra.

O - Ah yeah, understood. Good choice (of venue) on your part though,..Leadenhall market...nice and airy and not too lairy. We don't want any trouble.

D - Yeah i don't mind it out here,..it occasionally can be a laugh. You've gotta rate the old 'standing outside next to the barrels' business. Listen,....I can't help noticing, but your sandals look a little buff,..in fact, a little too much so in fact!! Put it like this; i don't need to wonder what you wear under your smock now! You had a little shoe-shine did ya?

O - Yeah *crossing his legs* sorry bout that. Erm yeah,...over there by The Lamb. I had a shine and a roast beef sandwich from the carvery whilst i was waiting for you,...you were 5 minutes late don't forget.

Pricey?

What, the shine or the sandwich?

Both.

Well the sandwich was extortionate obviously, but the shine was, well fine,..especially so, since the fella uttered not a single word of complaint whilst my horseradish sauce dripped on his head.

Sounds good, i might go over for a full body buff-up when we are done here, i feel like i'm lacking some lustre at the moment.

No force?

Well yeah it's still there, but it's not particularly strong at the moment. I reckon it's the London weather. I think i may have that Seasonal Affected Disorder thing.

Oh yeah,..i've heard of that,..C.R.A.B.S. yeah?

Yeah that's it i think. Still, there is nothing like a real full-on session with an old adversary to blow the cobwebs away,..let's go a little mental shall we?

Well,..i err,..........

*barman comes round collecting glasses* Alright lads, sorry it's no smoking out here.

Darth - Hahahahaha good one! What?! We are outside here mate,..long day is it? No worries.

Barman - No, it's an undercover market i'm afraid fellas, technically there is a roof on this baby. I'm sorry but i'm gonna have to ask you to put that out mate.

Darth - Put it out!! Undercover market!! What the f*ck are you on about, there's a pigeon next to me and a bus not 5 yards away, you f,........

Obi - I'll handle this Darth. "We are not the smokers that you are looking for. You do not need to ask him to put his fag out."

,...I'm,..i'm sorry guys,..my mistake,..carry on with what you were doing.

Obi - Thank you my good man.

Darth - Good work,..Seems like you still have some value! I was one step away from doing the old 'Hands-free choking' there before you stepped in.

Obi - We're too old for that Darth surely. You really haven't moved on at all have you? Just chill with your pint,.....oh you're almost done, i'll get some more,..Guinness?

Yes Guinness and black please, and a whiskey chaser i reckon, it's about time that we made the jump to 'Light-speed', yeah?

 No, i'm going to stick to just the shandy i reckon,..I am not a young man anymore, and don't forget that i have to drive later.

'Drive Smive',..what the f*ck you gonna crash into in space!? The clue is in the name!!

Plenty of things dear Vadar,..so let's just leave it,..i'll get you that pint,...

Hey, don't bother pal if you're gonna be such a wet blanket, i'd rather take my business elsewhere! I knew that this would never work out! To be honest, i dunno what we were thinking.,....f*cking Facebook. Never the twain shall meet and all that, is what i say!

I'm off to Brown's mate,..you can do what you like......We never wanted you on the 'Dark side' anyhow,.........next time ignore my drunken "poke"......you'd only drag me down.

Obi Wan Kenobi's rating for the New Moon - 4 / 10

Check out what Darth and the Deathstar lads were up to on St Patrick's day,....

Rolosocosy

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• Natural Selection,..

  “,….. Why didn’t they live to be 100?Huh? Well, they woz running round all day, hunting mammoths, eating berries,..rumping their little hearts out. No boozing or smoking. They must have been fit as fiddles. Yer Neanderthalls……….I’ll tell you why, it’s … Continue reading →