William IV (Kensal Rise)

The Terminator (Terminator III)

Hahahahaha! "I'll be back,.."

To tell you the truth, i don't know whether i'm here to terminate or protect at the moment. It get's that way when you've had a few. Still i'm sure i'll work things out,...I've seen the future after all.

Nah, come on, come on, lets stop jokin about this (i'm serious) "I'll be back", well yeah, maybe, but let's not make out that it's decent in here! I've had a coupla unusually expensive lagers but yeah, that's about it. Maybe i'll come back during Carnival (whilst it lasts),...but i'd never make that journey otherwise. Apart from anything else, no one would send me back for a casual day-to-day visit to Kensal Rise circa 2008. It ain't worth the effort.

In fact, let me "wheel-back", cos i'm being a little rude; that happens with the benefit of hindsight. It IS ok in here (in this era), spacious and tuneful with a nice garden out back, but come on, there's nothing particularly special to crow about in this part of town, you take what you can get: and there's also nothing more amusing and self indulgent than "trading on your rep" - which is what this gaff does,..or at least DID. Same as me.

I live in the area (for the time being) don't i. So i know the truth.

Living on "ones rep" is what i'm all about. You can't get by as a time-travelling body-builder without trading on something. "Your clothes, give them to me",..Hahahahaha,..What a tit! As if i'm into low-slung denim and stupid haircuts; poncey t-shirts and ironic shirts!? Shut up! Believe me, I'd rather fail my mission,..or drink in Piccadilly's, The Jewel bar, than wear something pseudo! But you've gotta get into character,..get into the era. Fair enough, i may look hard, but it's all water-retention and spray on tan. When you strip away the contemporary fashion, I'm a pussy deep down.

What's the other one? What's that other one i do? Oh yeah,..remember when i amusingly told that motel receptionist geezer to "screw himself" all dead-pan like?! Yeah, that was funny; that was a good-un. "Screw yourself pal" I said. If i was in The William, i'd say "Screw yourself pal",.."oh, ..and pass the sodding Tapas" (at regular intervals)!

Nah. I didn't say that in the film; *Ooooh No no!* But my point is true. Who the hell goes to the boozer on a "Quality of the Tapas" basis?! Not me! I'm purely a convenience man myself. Which is exactly why this place does good trade i guess,..What else you gonna do, when you've paid over the odds for your two bedroom start-up flat in an "up and coming area", and then wake up in the cold light of day, only to realise that you're "bang in trouble" on the Harrow Road?!

Yeah, there's a function room upstairs. But who are you gonna get to come "Rupert"?! This is Kensal Green after all, and that walk from the tube ain't nice - Even for me...

If you want good Tapas? Go to Spain. If you want a good restaurant? Go to the West End. And if you want a normal boozer (in this area), go to Kendricks or The Prince of Wales. More importantly, if you wanna make money from investing in Property; and consign normal (hard-working) people to a life of crippling debt and tenancy. Then yeah,..i'll see you in hell. You're a parasite.

I've seen the future and it ain't rosy,..or orange.

*Just realised that i ain't even the lead in this film am i!? It's that bird ain't it! (I obviously got carried away with the number thing). God, sometimes i think that i'd forget my head if it wasn't screwed on (it is)! That's what happens, i guess, when your getting on a bit, and am half cut and on a session in The William IV, with Pope Gregory the 9th and the Police Academy 18 boys! Ho, hum, "what you gonna do?!"*

Now, where's that John Connor fella? He owes me a tenner.

The Terminator's rating for The William IV - 4 / 10

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• Natural Selection,..

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