House on the Green (Kings Lynn)

Tony the Tiger (Return of the Killer Frosties)

“Ahem,..Foster’s top please mate,….Mate!,....FOSTER’S TOP PLEASE MATE!!”

Damnit, he hasn’t got the gift has he! Still, it was worth a try. It’s always worth having a try as it goes, especially when it's a new un-tried member of the barstaff.

“Is there anyone in here that can see me? HELLLOOOOOOO!.....Come on people! Damn!”

It’s the story of my life (and my death) this. As a ghost who appreciates the golden stuff, you’ve gotta get used to disappointment,..but it’s always worth a pop, cos you never ever know who else might be in (the boozer). You never know where you may find the “Psychically well endowed.”

We (the un-dead) all have our own personal reasons as to why we haven’t moved on to the afterlife.“Unresolved issues” they call it I think.  For some it's the need to pass on a message, for others, the desire to reveal an important secret, some just kick about for the hell of it - "Just on the wind-up."

For me? Well it was always obvious.*I didn’t need any “Chaise-Longue”counselling to help me work-out that one!* I was killed off wasn’t I! Killed off, on the very eve of my 18th birthday!! Cruelly taken,..but 12 hours from being able to legally drink in pubs.

Oh, I remember it now, how I went to bed that night, fully prepared for the next days session; my passport and driving licence on the bedside table, my newly purchased “pub trainers” were clean and polished under the bed. *Lighter, fags and cash were all sorted and already in my jacket pocket.* I was gonna hit The House on the Green at 11.01am precisely the next day,..for my first “legitimate” all dayer, I couldn’t wait,…

,…and I just never woke up.

Seems like the "God’s" at Kellogg’s had changed the Marketing campaign over night, (“Repositioning” or somesuch),..and I,..“T the T”, was ruthlessly terminated in my sleep without so much as an explanation,…or a splash of milk.

If you’re reading this now, then chances are, that you’re still living. And if you’re living then let me tell you; seize the day while you can,…and get yourself a pint. Life is too short not to. Boy do I know that!

"FOSTER’S TOP PLEASE MATE!!!!!"

No,..no,…there are no “See-ers” in here tonight. Damnit,..i like this boozer, and i could murder a larger. Ah, tell you what! Let me check the lounge bar side,….*drifts straight through the wall and fag machine directly into the other cosy bar.*

"Oi,.you lot!! Lads! CAN ANYBODY HEAR ME? I JUST WANT A PINT!,……."

No,..No luck. It was a bit of a longshot anyhow. Oh well,……….Oh dear, that handsome Labrador is in,..if he clocks me again, there will be mayhem. I’d better go back *drifts back to other bar.*

Ok, heigh ho,..i said I wouldn’t do this tonight I know, but I suppose I’ll get back down my spiritual home; The Red Cat, instead. Try and tap that "Sixth Sense" kid, Coal for a drink or two again.

I feel a bit bad about it as it goes, as I said that I would leave him alone this weekend,..but, as my old man used to say “When you fancy a pint Tony, well Tony, you fancy a pint." And, when no-one can either see or hear you, well, I probably don’t need to tell you, but it's GRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrubbish!!

Later

Tony the Tiger’s rating for The House on Hill – 8/10

Rolosocosy

Meanwhile, Coal from The Six Sense is having a relaxing night playing Darts in the Red Cat...

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• Natural Selection,..

  “,….. Why didn’t they live to be 100?Huh? Well, they woz running round all day, hunting mammoths, eating berries,..rumping their little hearts out. No boozing or smoking. They must have been fit as fiddles. Yer Neanderthalls……….I’ll tell you why, it’s … Continue reading →