Marquess of Anglesey (Covent Garden)

The Tin Man (Wizard of Oz)

I’ve been on an emotional roller-coaster since I came to London last year,…Well, since I got this ticker really, I s’pose. It’s hard to get your (pointy) head around really; going from zero to one hundred percent emotional capability overnight, with the sweep of a wand!

Some doctors would say it should be lethal. Would say that immediate exposure to the vast range of human sentiment, a product of thousands of years of evolution, could and probably should, cause total mental collapse. But I’ve coped and I can take it. I am mentally strong, cos I’ve always had a brain. Though there is still a lot to learn.

It’s great to experience these feelings. Each day I am sensing new and varied ones and it’s often a battle to work out what exactly it is that I am sensing; I see a queue at a bus stop and I’m enraged; I see someone fall over in the street and I crease up. “Amusement” is an easy one to spot. If I fall over myself, I am, at first, enraged,..and then I crease up. Funny how you can flip so quickly.

I guess what I felt at the tube was gratitude.Gratitude or thankfulness I guess. Are those the same thing?

See, I’d just paused for thought outside Covent Garden tube, stock still, thinking about some commercial gig I’ve been offered (and whether I wanted to sell-out and do a non speaking part).I was there just a couple of minutes, composing a text message in my mind. Insulted yet intrigued I think I was feeling.

Anyhow, by the time I came back to reality, I looked down and I had a scattering of one pound coins at my feet. People had been throwing em to me. Well, you really are a munificent bunch aren’t you, you Brits. Showing me generosity like that. At least, I’m sure it was generosity…or maybe pity?

Intuition they call it don’t they. I mean there was no other way to explain it. How else could you lot know the truth. The truth that I’m bang in trouble, virtually on the scrap heap, not a diode to my name, not having done a stitch of work since I played a Tin Woman (what a leap!), in a niche Dutch film last spring.

I was originally gonna go straight into the theatre to see my old chum Cowardly (Lion), in the Lion King at The Apollo, (he’s come on leaps and bounds with his self esteem since he started doing the Coke). But now I’ve got a few shekels, I can afford to pop in a pub before the show, and investigate this “Craic” that I’ve heard so much about. So here I am, in the Marquess of Anglesey; plenty of space, no exposed electrical sockets, or drips. Seems fine,.and lightning service to boot.

TM - “Carling top please Landlord”

Brian behind the bar - “Hmmmm,..No, no,..thats not really working for me. Not working for me at all! Where’s the passion?,..No,.. I just didn’t really feel that you wanted it badly enough! Not good,.whaddaya reckon Marie?”

TM - “Erm,.sorry, maybe you mis-heard, just one Carling Top please Landlord.”

B - “No, no I didn’t mis-hear, although, to be honest, I wish I hadn’t heard at all. I said “No”, no, I just didn’t get it,…it didn’t really work for me, if you wanna be with us for the next round, you’re gonna have to up your game. And for godsake, do something about your hair!”

TM - “Hair? I erm,..ok,….”

B - “All I’m saying is,..Put some heart and soul into it next time. Look at the dour boat on ya! Have you not heard of Rouge!”
TM - “I err,..i don’t quite get it,..i’ve only recently got this heart and I,…”
B - *smiling*,..Sorry Dusty, no offence, I’m just having the craic with ya; Of course you can have a Carling Top!.......And you can have it on me - Brian’s the name, how are ya?”
TM - “Oh right,..err,..thanks Brian. Tin Man from Wizard of Oz, nice to meet you….So “The Craic”,..I’ve heard a lot about it, what IS that exactly?
B - “Ah, you’re from Oz are ya! Oh well, I don’t know what it’s like in Australia, but “The Craic” (over here), just means having a laugh. You know, joking, joshing, harmless baiting – all in the name of having a good time – know what I mean Dusty!? ..I mean, look at my friend over there; looks like that fella Pigsy outa that programme Monkee, don’t he! *pointing and shouting over*,..Hey Pigsy!” *met with a total blank*
B - “See!” *looking back to the Tin Man*
TM – “Oh I see; is that why you are calling me Dusty then?
B – “Yeah, of course Dusty! “Dusty?”…Dusty BIN!...Oh, never mind,…..You see I was just baiting you, making out that I was that Louis Walsh,..the judge from The X Factor?
TM – “Oh?”
B – “It’s a TV talent show,..you know, auditions, judges and all that,..”
TM – “Oh, I see,…….i’ve not seen it.”
B – “No, me neither,…..Now,.*rubbing hands together*,……what was it you said you wanted? Some axle grease and a,…..?

The Tin Man’s rating for The Marquess of Anglesey – 10 / 10 (great craic)

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