English Rose (Luton)

Dr Strangelove

How I Learned to Stop Abstaining and Love the Beer
Achtung Britishers! I vant to tell you about a really cosy, traditional English pub, not more zan a ten-minute, controlled (though occasionally palm-burning) roll, downhill from Luton station. I should point out that it is tens of miles away from ze nearest bomb-proof shelter, at High Wycombe Bomber Command. But, maybe you think zis is not so important, ja?

Ze pub's exterior and environs are somewhat reminiscent of a previous colleague's residence in Berchtesgaden, Bavaria. Except for ze complete lack of mountains, snow and fir trees. Ze locals are friendly, mit many good-looking, young, blonde and blue-eyed women, ze eye candy for 'premium stock' fans, ja!

Was of ze highlights? Well, der Uber is a fine cook; but for snacks, zere are quarters of sweeties behind ze bar;

Zere are always at least three real ales on tap. Prices are reasonable too - more "right price" than "Reichstag". There are even lagers, mit many brewed according to the German "reinheitsgebot" purity laws, resulting in a purity of essence rarely encountered elsewhere in zis country. Certainly never in ze vats of yellow piss-wasser called Fosters..

Maintaining zis liquid theme, let us consider ze toilets. I can report zey are exceptionally clean, making it easy to dispense of one's precious bodily fluids in comfort and safety.

Ja, ja, ze English Rose; such a nice place to put on ze brakes, kick back and relax, with ze Luton Town football club ground little more than a fifteen minute meander away.

If I had to complain, I would point out zat drinkers are forced to go into ze garden if zey wish to smoke, irrespective of the weather conditions. Zis treatment of smokers as untermenschen seems to have become acceptable over ze last few years.

My own feeling is dat ze indoors clientelle would relish an anschluss with their outdoors compatriots, with little chance of the owners (Stan and Lisa) standing up to such a move if it were executed rapidly and boldly. Ein alcoholic blitzkrieg nein?

Uzzer minor vinges are dat I have sometimes found it difficult to gain access through the swinging entrance door in a wheelchair, especially after putting a few steins behind my Iron Cross, and that some of ze pool players can react tetchily when one's arm straightens involuntarily and without advance notice.

I find it a very comforting to think that a few of the frauleins and I could probably survive for decades here in ze English Rose should there ever be problems with international nuclear treaties.

Dr Strangelove's rating for the English Rose - World War III out of five

Vernon. P. Templeman

Group Captain Mandrake is out and about 'reviewing' in Islington,.....

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  “,….. Why didn’t they live to be 100?Huh? Well, they woz running round all day, hunting mammoths, eating berries,..rumping their little hearts out. No boozing or smoking. They must have been fit as fiddles. Yer Neanderthalls……….I’ll tell you why, it’s … Continue reading →