Samuel Pepys (Mayfair)

Rocky III

(on mobile phone)

Adrienne…….I'm in lotta trouble……. I didn't go to woik again today baby……Peterman's going to fire me for sure…how's we gonna pay the rent baby?

Adrienne….please ….. please …. don't be mad with me baby. I love you, but I got so much anger going on….. You knows, I ain't the sharpest tool in the box right?…. My fists cain't do the talking no more…..I had no choice….had to avoid Peterman today.

That son-of-a-bitch puts me down so much Adrienne……says I'm no good……. my typing's not up to standard…. What can I do though? ….my fingers are too big for those tiny keys …..why'd they make me use a laptop?

He calls me stoopid 'cause I said the credit crunch was maybe a kinda apple……Oh Adrienne, I get so mad with him…. And Sylvia….that little bitch….she goes and empties my locker full of hand cream onto the floor……said there was no room for my stuff…..called me a bum.

That's why I did the hanging meat trick again.…… Boy Adrienne, I really went to town on the cadavers at Smithfields……

Adrienne, I gotta tell you though…. all that corpse pummelling….. It's brought my fingers up something bad. I can hardly hold my Italian Stallion when I'm in the gents, let alone tap out the third quarter forecast for Peterman on the laptop.

Please don't be mad baby…..I love you Adrienne.

Clubber's got issues too…. wanted to meet for lunch….Oh Adrienne, they don't get how hard it is beings a heavy weight champ one minute, then Alfred Marks temp the next.

I've really screwed up this time…..

* front door to the Samuel Pepys opens * 
Dammit! I gotta go, Peterman's here….. How'd he find me? …..Musta been Sylvia! …. That little bitch……love you baby……gotta go……

* Rocky III tries to sprint to the bog unnoticed, then takes a swerve to hide under the pool table *

"Not so fast Rocky III; I've clocked you old girl."

* Peterman approaches, then turns to Smythers his brown-nosing assistant analyst. *

"You see Smythers, I told you it was worth getting the old private investigator in. This has saved us a shed load of money - and trouble - with this one." * turns to Rocky III * "How many sick days has it been in the past month eh Rocky III? How many solos down the Samuel Pepys?"

Smythers interrupts snivellingly. "Too many to call Mr Peterman, I reckon. Too many to call."

"Quite right Smythers. Shall I tell you exactly how many it's been Rocky III, hmmm? It's been 12 days out of 22….. Well, I think I've been patient; we've had our fair share of temps-cum-former-pugilists….I mean, I know O'Conner's had trouble with Clubber Lang…. But you Rocky III? …..Well you take the biscuit. You're hardly ever in the office and when you are our clients can't understand your appalling telephone manner. And I'm sorry to say this Rocky III dear, but frankly you look terrible too. Do you have anything to say?"

* Rocky III is crying as she speaks. She is almost impossible to understand *

"Adrieeeennnnneee, I didn’t…. I don't wanna….I'm notta bum …..just understand …….what I'm trying to……Adrieeeenneee…….I love you………try so hard ………credit crunch……Adriennnnneeeee……Samuel Pepys… great boozer ……..£2.30 a pint of Carling… dark and sleazy..….Adrieennnnneee."

"Stop blubbing Rocky III! I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to let you go. You can collect your heavyweight belts and hand creams tomorrow."

"Please Mr Peterman……I'm real sorry …. please just give me another chance…….just one shot at the title …….I coulda been a contender."

"Hang on. That's not even from the right film Rocky III. You really are stupid."

* Rocky III's mood changes. His eyes turn Saigon-red. *

"Don't push me Peterman. Don't push me!"

"Neither's that….. you half wit."

* Rocky III decks Peterman, then turns to Smythers *

"First blood to me." 

* * * * 

Rocky III's rating for The Samuel Pepys – 9 / 10

Sputnikski

Clubber Lang's been having a bit of trouble in the 'office' too

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