Ye Olde Cheshire Cheese (Fleet Street)

Leonard (Memento)

Ok where are you?

You’re in a bar,..it seems to be a bar,..no, a pub,..an old pub, a very old pub; seems lovely, loads of dark wood and alcoves.

And what are you doing? Drinking. Drinking at a table,…you’re in a booth,..looks like you’re in this booth on your own,.a lovely cosy dark booth. 
Why are you here?
Hmmmm tricky.
More to the point, who are you?
Dunno. You’re in a nice pub. You’re having a drink. You’re on your own! Do you have any friends here?
Seems not, best to stay here a minute and see if anyone comes over,….

,…….. no one has come over.

So you’re on your own. There seems to be a lot of foreigners in here. Are you American? No, you’re keeping yourself to yourself. Are you an Aussie? No, you’ve a wad of cash in your pocket,..So you’re English then? Yes, that makes sense, it seems like you’re at home in here. Seems like a nice place, plenty of history (at first glance), loads of character – Seems like you can remember your history,..your history and your stereotypes.

You’re on your own. Maybe you should feel panic,..you don’t. It seems alright. You’ve cigarettes in front of you, your booth is prime and your jacket is next to you on the bench. Guess you must be a smoker, and suppose you must feel pretty relaxed, best go outside…..try one of those fags.

Ah yes, you’re a smoker alright. That was good.

How did you know that? How did you know to go outside? You remembered to duck your head through the low doorways too.

Seems that you remember the basics; the world as we know it,..London,…football,..the bump and grind,..you know about existence, about life, about boozers; you just don’t know who you are…what you do.

How’s that pint looking,..who’s pint is that?

,……………….

Ok where are you?

You’re in a bar,..it seems to be a bar,..no, a pub,.. course it’s a pub; a goodun.

Drinking. Drinking at a table,…you’re in a booth,..looks like you’re in this booth on your own,..your pint is almost empty.
Why are you here?
Hmmmm it's certainly a poser.
More to the point, who are you? More to the point, your pint is almost empty.
Dunno. You’re in a pub. You’re having a drink,..looks like you’ve nearly finished. You’re on your own! Do you have any friends here? Who cares?
Best to stay here a minute and see if anyone comes over,….actually screw that,..best have a cigarette, it looks like you smoke.
You don’t really fancy one though do you? Don’t seem to have the addiction at all. Maybe you don’t smoke. Maybe they are someone else’s. Or maybe, just maybe you had one a short time ago and don’t know it,…

Oh well,..you’ve no urge for nicotine but your pint is certainly in need of replenishing. You’d better get to the bar and sort it out. You kjnow what to do.

So you get to the bar. What do you order?

Beer, you seem to be drinking beer. The last one you had was a beer; a lager. You obviously liked it, you obviously drink it; there were several empties on the table and you don’t seem like the sociable type.
You want something, You guess that you want one of them, one of them lagers, but you don’t know which one. Barman, ask the barman.

“Hello mate,..” 

“Oh yeah, don’t tell me, don’t tell me,…Foster's top yeah!!?”

“Erm,..yes, that seems to ring a bell. Foster's,..yes Foster’s top please mate, that seems right."

“Hahahaha,...no,..no we don’t do Foster's do we pal!! Look around ya,..we’re a Sam Smiths boozer ain’t we! I’ll do you another pint of our Man in the Box nonsense shall I?!"

"Oh right yeah (i remember that now) thanks....But may I, I mean, can I, just ask, how did you know? How did you know I'd ask for a Foster's top? I mean,..do I come here a lot? Do you know me? Do I work around here? Is this my local? Have i asked for that before?”

“No pal,..you’ve got “Foster’s top” tattooed on your forehead!”

Leonard's rating for Ye Olde Cheshire Cheese - 9 / 10

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• Natural Selection,..

  “,….. Why didn’t they live to be 100?Huh? Well, they woz running round all day, hunting mammoths, eating berries,..rumping their little hearts out. No boozing or smoking. They must have been fit as fiddles. Yer Neanderthalls……….I’ll tell you why, it’s … Continue reading →