Jamaica Wine House (Bank)

Shelley The Machine Levene / Ole Gill (Glengarry Glen Ross)

How dare he speak to me like that!

“Will you go to lunch? Go to lunch. WILL you GO to LUNCH?” The balls on that guy, where does he get off saying things like that, to me,  TO ME! A man who’s been in the business 40 years, who was selling holdings in blue chip multinationals when he was still in diapers, and Microsoft Corp was just a Bill Gates wet dream!

So, I said to him, “I’ll go to lunch, I’ll go to lunch you f*****r, but not 'cause you’re telling me to. I’m goin to lunch 'cause I’m hungry and I’ve already put down an hour on my timesheet. I’m,..I was going to lunch anyway. Before you told me to!”

So here I am at lunch, In The Jamaica Inn. I’m not hungry of course, a man needs a beer in situations like this.

I sent the report to the wrong client apparently. That’s what he said. A code red client he said, one of those ones that were teetering on the edge, already thinking of telling us to get f****d. A special treatment, tippy-toe client. And I sent them someone else's report.

That’s what he’s saying anyhow, but I don’t believe him. Don’t give wet-nurse f**kers like him no credence.“What the hell are you? You're a f****n' low level Post Room Manager. F**k you.” I (shoulda) said “That's my message to ya: f**k you, you can kiss my ass, and if you don't like it baby I'm going across the street to Bawlish & Smedley, f**k you!" *I should have added*

*Bawlish and Smedley work a strict nine to five – If first class post is not in the mailroom by 4.45 it ain’t going out. Seems smart to me. My kinda operation.*

So anyhow. “The courrier system is weak,” I told him.

"The system is weak." The f*****g system is weak?” He said. “You're weak. I've been in this business two years... this is Federal Express, we are talking about baby, 500 million users can’t be wrong! Just get the biker to sign on the line which is dotted. It’s not f****g hard, TNT overnight, next day delivery! You hear me you f****n' faggot?”

No one speaks to me like that, no one! It was just lucky for him that he said it right next to lunchtime. Like I said, I was going to lunch ANYWAY!

Sitting in the Jamaica, takes me back to how it used to be, to days gone past. Back then, after two hours (on a busy day), feverishly selling Bonds (to our friends), we were in here at eleven everyday. All bowler hats, braces and brollies, real gents. It didn’t matter what you did in those days, as long as you talked the talk and were well turned out. Seems to me that this place has lost something; I could have sworn that the wood used to be darker and the feel cosier.

Oh, I dunno, maybe those memories are just the product of a mind clouded by a lifetime of fine wines and cigars. I drink Carling Tops these days - and I think that this outside smoking will eventually be the death of Ole Gill, once winter sets in.

Oh sh*t my mobile phone thingy-ma-jigger is going off now,..whats the button to pick up then,..erm,..

“Hello, Ole Gill, I mean, Shelley The Machine Levene speaking,….”

*It’s the boss*

“Hahahaha,…The Machine in The Jamaica!” He says! “Huh! "That f****n fits.  The Jamaica Inn, used to be big-time, now just a sack of useless s**t – Just like you! Get back here pronto!”

“How the f**k dare you, you c**t.” I think. This gaff was never that good in the first place!

Shelley “The Machine” Levene's rating for The "Jampot" - 3/10

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  “,….. Why didn’t they live to be 100?Huh? Well, they woz running round all day, hunting mammoths, eating berries,..rumping their little hearts out. No boozing or smoking. They must have been fit as fiddles. Yer Neanderthalls……….I’ll tell you why, it’s … Continue reading →