Liberty Bounds (Tower Hill)

Ben Sanderson (Leaving Las Vegas)

You gotta hand it to Wetherspoons. Their people really know how to exploit a market for a certain type of person. Take this joint in Tower Hill; it's pretty typical of the kind of 'spoons pub you find in every crumby town in the UK. I should know I've been to most of them.

It opens at 9.00 am and everything about it is cheap, real cheap. That's a boon for a man on a mission to drink himself to an early grave – and not be bothered by do-gooders in the process. There are numerous deals and specials, like free mixers and cheap doubles, not that mixers are something a man like me needs.

Doubles yes, mixers no. That's my motto.

Nice touch for the less-committed suicidal alcoholic, the joint does a £2.99 breakfast; just to take the edge off the previous night. Then there's something for rookie students, Vodka RedBulls for just a few pence, something to spice up the evening and give the local boys in blue a job to do, when hormones, caffeine and alcohol are marching together in a battle against person or property.

Yup, when it comes to marketing, these Wetherspoons guys have really done their homework. For the drunk, dispossessed or student looking to get wasted on cheap alcohol, this is the place to be.

Consider it an unwritten pact. The people at Wetherspoons know that we're drunks. And we appreciated that this is marketing wrapped in a pub's clothes. I hope you understand that I am a person who is totally at ease with that. Which is not to say that I'm indifferent or I don't care. It simple means that I trust and accept their judgment.

So has this 'spoons with its cute name got anything for the non-destitute? Location wise, this is a better one. It's in a prime spot overlooking the Tower of London and Tower Bridge. So when you stagger out at closing time you always have the option to hurl in full view of a pair of London's most beautiful and enduring visitor attractions.

Objectively though, if I wasn't involved in my self-destruction project, I'd have to concede it's a total dump. No worse than the thousands of other spoons around the country. No better than drinking in a filthy burger joint that serves cheap beer in dirty glasses.

Ben Sanderson's rating for the Liberty Bounds – 0 / 10

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