Bootys Bar (Limehouse)

Chandler Jarrell (The Golden Child)

Yo, mother f****r, you want to know about the golden child? You really wanna know?

This is my golden child baby. This pint of cool, golden lager. I'm tryin' not to spill the mother-f****r as I move slowly from the bar to my table. S**t, I'm a regular shakin-f******g-Stevens these days and if I make it without decorating my mother-f*****g pumps it'll be a God-damn miracle.

 
Yeah, I'm a brother with a drink problem, but let me explain a little something to you buddy. Things I've seen would f**k you up too.

Old Chandler Jarrell seen some weird s**t in his time, but I ain't sayin' nothing' to no one anymore. Ya'll gonna talk to some freaky mother-f****r with stories of half-woman-half-serpent bitches with clickin' tails? Jesus Christ, get real.

That's the kind of s**t that goes f****n' up a brother's job interview with white folks. I start telling them that I'm the chosen one, or how I rescued the kid and hooked up with Kee Nang and the brothers of the temple of kiss-my-ass in Tibet?

I know that what they honkies thinking - 'Jees, that f****d-up black brother been doin' too much s**t.'

One time, I'm talking to some old couple investigating the disappearance of their little lost pussy and I mentions the size of old Sardo Numpsa. I just know those tight-assed mothers thought I was talking about my d**k. I seen it in their faces.

Sometimes I wonder if maybe they is right. Did all that super-natural s**t really happen? Perhaps I am just one mixed-up, mother-f*****g old man.

Trouble is I like Bootys Bar. Yeah, mother-f*****'s got a stupid name but what you gonna do. Looks right out over the river. I can keep an eye on all that s**t. Never know what's comin' out the Thames for ya'll.

And when it does, you'll be glad this crazy mother f****r's around to protect your sorry ass. Oh s**t man, I spilled my pint. Ahhhhhhh, I'm falling down.

Chandler Jarrell's rating for Bootys Bar – 7 / 10

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