Sawyers Arms (Paddington)

Bashful The Dwarf (Snow White)

They can be an embarrassing bunch, my mates (brothers).

I’m not averse to a trip down the pub, but I’d ideally like it quiet, secluded and above all, dark.

So, I’m not a massive fan of The Dickens, I have to say. It's a bit too rowdy for my liking, I don’t like these chaps selling DVDs (they scare me), but if we go down mob-handed then I can stomach it for a while.

I like working in the mine, in fact I prefer it to almost anything else. It IS dark and secluded, when I’m at the rock face, I’m pretty much on my own. Usually I just hum to myself throughout the day, looking forward to seeing Snow White when I come home.

I dunno why we had to bunk on Thursday, I was very happily anticipating another day underground. But when Doc suggested that we swerve the mine for the day and head down the juicer, I said yes; I went along with the group.

As soon as they started playing pool, I knew there would be trouble and instintively pulled my closest brethren (Dopey and Sleepy), nearer the door. When the roofer chap called Doc a "Pixie", I knew it was time to boot it, so I quickly woke Sleepy and told Dopey that we were off to the zoo.

We left and, not really wanting to stray too far from the group, we headed 20 metres over the road to the Sawyers Arms and put our phones on vibrate.

The Sawyers Arms was much better.

Quiet groups of tourists minding their own business, some Japanese businessmen at the bar, none of them looked at us for an undue period, and that suited me just fine.

We got a nice dark table in the corner and, since the barmaid was an attractive type, I bottled it and sent Dopey over to the bar to order the three pints. Sleepy got his head down.

When he came back with the wine, Dopey asked me if we were in the monkey house, I said that we were, and he agreed that London zoo certainly was a great place. Sleepy started snoring.

We stayed there, a little like that for a while, Me facing the wall, Sleepy, well, sleeping, and Dopey throwing crisps on the carpet for the Sealions.

Pretty soon my phone started vibrating, it was a text from Grumpy, saying that we were a bunch of bottlers, but that they were leaving The Dickens now, in case we wanted to heigh-ho home together.

I woke up Sleepy, told Dopey to say one last goodbye to the Hyenas, and drained the last of my pint.

A couple of people looked in our direction on the way out, but I kept looking at the carpet and our exit passed without incident.

A very pleasant afternoon all round, in the end.  Very pleasant.

Bashful’s rating for The Sawyers Arms – 9 / 10

Rolosocosy

Grumpy Dwarf's review of Dickens Tavern

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