Waterway (Warwick Avenue)

Guy Goma (BBC News)

Figures out today show that, on average, 5 pubs are closing here in the UK everyday of the year. The number of people frequenting pubs is declining at an alarming rate. Pundits have cited inflation and taxation on booze along with the smoking ban as contributory factors. Pub Reviewer and Industry Expert, Guy Kewney, is here to give us more background.

Guy, welcome.

Hello,..err.

So Guy, why the death of the British Pub?

Well,..err,.this is a surprise to me. The Pub,..it is dying,..yes. Is he? This is a shock to me. I saw one the other day. I have the CV here.

Telling! Certainly telling. You just saw ONE pub the other day. On a High Street where, historically, there used to be many, I take it? There will be many ex-landlords having to refresh their CV's. Understood.

I don't know. I only really drink at Christmas time you know. With the family. Back in Ghana. Oh, and during Carnival. I've only been here 3 years. I have paperwork.

Yes. And err, sadly it seems that a family outing to the pub will soon be a thing of the past? The death of the British pub within 3 years you reckon?

I said to the man on the reception. I am here for Data Cleaning Role. He said to me to sit and to take a drink whilst I wait. And then I wait.

Yes, service levels are declining I see. Yes, sometimes the wait at the bar can seem eternal. You can wait and wait and wait sometimes! And you think that this is what has been turning the British public off the traditional boozer? Causing profits to tumble and numerous pub closures?

They take me In a room and put on make-up. I am thinking a little strange, and I say so, but the madam with the lipstick, she was wearing i-pod and not listen.

Ah yes, so you're saying that these pub make-overs. This move to 'gastro' is killing the trade. And you think that this, combined with our new technological age - of so called 'Play-Stations, I-pods and on-line streaming, is rendering the pub obselete in these modern times. You're saying that the clock is now ticking?

Well,..err,..yes,..the meter is ticking. The security man, he say to me. Sit down, take a drink. I tell him that I have taxi booked for afterwards. He say no problem, two minutes. And then well. As I say, I go in this room. I get made up with the make up,..the girl she give me coffee with many sugars. And then they put me here.

Yes, quite. People are more image conscious thesedays. You think that the rise of the American style coffee shop has also contributed to the current situation? I suppose one has to only look at any typical British High Street now to understand your point. Where once were Red Lions and King's Head's, there are now Costa Coffees and Café Neros.

Where is Mr Collins? Are you Mr Collins assist?

Exactly. Where is your everyday man to be found in a British pub thesedays!? Where is 'Mr Collins'?! 

Do you know him?

True. True. So,..Mr Kewney, if you have any advice to the British Pub Industry to help them shape up their act what would it be?

Well, I am advance in Excel and Powerpoint. Typing speed not so fast, but I can work cheap.

It certainly is a complex market thesedays. You're right. Maybe the old-school Land-lord is outdated. We all need technology skills thesedays, no matter what our roles I suppose. And,..so,…by way of advice then. Do you have any pubs in particular that you would hold up as models of what a traditional British boozer should be? An example of a pub that is successful, authentic and which other Landlords could learn from and try to emulate?

I don't know any pub. Well, I know the pub near my flat. Next to my estate. That pub is ok I think.

Ah, yes, an authentic working class estate pub. I see what you are saying. And what is the pub called?

I think that it is called the Waterfall, Waterboard or similar,….

The Waterboard?

Waterwell?,..No Waterway. That's it! The Waterway. Waterway. I've never been. I never drink at work.

Err,…yes, and where is the Waterway exactly.

Near my house. My flat.

And where is that?

Near my flat on Harrow Road. But otherside the canal, it calls itself in Little Venice.

Ah, so there you go Landlords. For tips on how to be a traditional and successful British boozer. Take a trip to the Waterway in Little Venice for some pointers. Guy Kewney,..thank you very much.

Thank you,……*as the camera cuts away from him*,... I enjoy sport in my spare time. Swimming and such,..............How long do we get for lunch?

Guy's rating for The Waterway - Don't know.

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