Old Goat (Fulwell)

William Windsor (a goat)

Whenever I'm not eating shit, I'm drinking it. That's the way things play out for me now. What ya gonna do?

After a hard day rummaging around in bins and worrying small children. I like nothing better than a cool pint of the golden stuff in the boozer. And when it comes to lager, well, true to form, any old shit will do.

Fosters, Carling, Holsten, Oranjeboum, Becks Vier, Kronenbourg,…even Stella. Makes no odds to me as long as its cold and fizzy and get's the job done. And besides,..I've nothing better to do since I 'retired' from the army. Since I headbutted that drummer.

Speaking of 'getting the job done'. Well, if you're interested, 'the job' or more aptly 'the aim' of my drinking, is primarily to forget. To blot out the memories of past mistakes. But I don't wanna talk about it!

Yeah ok, yes I do. If you've gotta a moment that is,…?

See, it's the hardest game in the world, the old 'being a goat' game. Harder still when you're 'being a goat' as a member of an otherwise humanoid body of soldiers,..and in a foreign land. Is it any wonder I turned to the booze?! And nutted that private, in his privates.

I first discovered it (boozing) when I was deployed to Cyprus on my opening tour of duty. And I guess, with hindsight, that this was both the start of the beginning and of the beginning of the end for me,..if you get my gist. At least, with respect to my military career, and to the start of my boozing one.

 

Right in the goolies.

 

You see, my regiment - the 1st Battalion - were notorious boozers. In order to fit in, one needed to slip a few down on a regular basis.

 

Also, as I said, bear in mind that this was my first overseas posting. The first time that I had been 'off the lead' so to speak.

 

Is it any wonder then, that I went a little crazy? I mean, what did they expect? They don't expect much now, that's for sure.

 

Pint after pint after pint. Night after night after night. You get my goat?

 

And then sacked! Well 'retired', was the official line. But anyone in the know knew the truth.

 

So just look at me now, an old drunk goat in the Old Goat getting drunk,..after an evening shift at Wickes.

 

Fosters, Carling, Holsten, Oranjeboum, Becks Vier, Kronenbourg,…even Stella. You'lll find none of those in here.

 

Hey Ho,..as I said, what ya gonna do. Once I pop I can't stop. Any old shit.

 

And like I say, I've been to Cyprus, so I'm used to foreign muck.

 

What was your name again mate? Doesn't matter, I've pressing business at hand.

 

Pint of your most outlandish and pretentiously ethnic lager please pal.

 

It's a shit business. Oh, and what the fuck are you pointing at?!

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Windsor_(goat)

William Windsor's (Goat's) rating for the Old Goat - 9/10

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