Josh's Band (Tit Mobile)

O'Neill's (Winchester)

OMG, it’s all so amazing! And wicked! And… totally spontaneous.

Just a few months ago, I was just a floppy-haired twenty-something, when suddenly something happened that totally changed my life. I was given – yes given - a whole load of with free texts by my mobile phone company - Tit-Mobile. Totally free of charge.

My first thoughts were 'that's wicked!'  'Wow' and 'Totally amazing!'

Then I got to thinking more deeply (I am quite a deep thinker a lot of the time). Most people probably wouldn’t think twice about some freebie texts for their mobile, but I saw an opportunity. What about if I came up with a totally wicked way I could use my free texts to do something good - something totally wicked in fact  - AND, totally spontaneous!

Wicked!

Now I don’t know how the idea came to me. Maybe it was the iPod headphones keeping in the noisy air between my ears, or perhaps it was the people at Marketing Department at Tit-Mobile and their six-figure advertising campaign called “Join Josh’s Band”.

Whatever it was, suddenly the idea came to me – all of a sudden. I decided to use my texts to invite people I don't know to form an enormous spontaneous band full of people playing instruments, being friends and having fun.

A massive band of people from all across the country, some of whom would be employees of Tit Mobile! Unbelievable! And I’d call it Josh’s Band!  And encourage everyone who wanted to, to join in!

Within a few months - totally spontaneously and without any kind of planning - it had all become a really massive success.

Travelling round the country on big buses with people playing trumpets and drums and spoons, I waved to crowds who’d been put there by Tit Mobile’s advertising people totally spontaneously, all holding banners saying “Join Josh’s Band”. My band!

Amazing! Like being part of one of those wicked flash mob pillow-fights at stations that stop busy adults making it onto trains to reach home in time to say goodnight to their kids! Brilliant!

Oh, I forgot to mention the best bit of my idea. My brilliant idea and youthful exhuberance that spontaneously formed a massive band called Josh’s Band had been captured from the start by a camera crew who just happened to be there! Totally Spontaneously!

Anyway, to celebrate the success of my band, the people at Tit Mobile recently gave me EVEN MORE free texts.

Totally wicked. AND amazing.

Thinking deeply once again, I decided on a new angle. Why not, I thought, see if all my new musical friends from across the country would like to meet me for a drink in a place called O’Neills in Winchester! (Sadly the camera crew and Tit Mobile decided to duck out, but that didn’t put me off! – I had made loads of genuine new friends)

I chose this amazing local O’Neill’s because, like my band, it’s a totally authentic experience. A real Irish pub, full of trinkets, Guinness on tap and proper Irish food like bangers and mash and egg and chips! As the Irish would say "to be sure; no commercialism here; pass the potatoes; I'm up for the craic!"

So here I am today; standing outside grinning inanely. Ready to step inside and see all my new found friends that I invited with the text "join me for ‘cheeky beers’ and an impromptu jam in a traditional Irish pub in Winchester". (Ha ha ha, I love calling them cheeky beers because I’m such a cheeky loveable character)

Here goes.

* Josh puts his tambourine back in its fucking tambourine bag and walks through the doors of the pretend-Irish pub still grinning like a prick. But there’s no one inside. Just a vast chasm of characterless crap, with big screens lazily showing some dire game of third division rugger. Josh's mood changes *

Oh dear, I guess people must have spontaneously decided to stay at home and watch Total Recall on ITV3.

. . . . . . . .

Josh’s rating for O’Neill’s ……is not worth noting because the floppy haired student is probably a floppy haired unemployed actor with a temporary contract to do some twatty ‘viral marketing’ work with Tit Mobile.

But Winchester O'Neills is a crap'ole

Sputnikski