Samwise Gamgee (Lord of the Rings)

Rocket (Euston)

I really am a terrible Bumpkin, but still,…Screw Frodo.

On a quest like this, you’ve gotta stick together, strength in numbers.

For God's sake - “Oooooh, it’s my mission” this! “Oooooh, It’s my destiny” that! Sometimes you’ve gotta accept that you need help.

This is one of those times.

See, I’m a “Metro-sexual” hobbit ya see  – An easy going guy, I just love to chill. If it were left to him (Frodo), we’d be out all night, getting lappys in Spearmints, two grand down.

Screw that!

I’m a nice guy (hobbit), a humanist (hobbit), I’ve so much to give, so much to offer, I need to work-it baby, but on my own terms.

So, I wasn’t surprised when Frodo took off. There was nothing on offer (in his eyes) where we were. Nothing for an ego-maniac like him. I saw him go to the bogs, and I knew he was gonna boot it.

“Oooooh, The Quest!”

Once he was gone, my point was proven. It’s not easy for a solo hobbit in a London pub. Kicking around in dumps like this (The George), on your jacks. God, within five minutes of him leaving, I already had some stupid looking robot geezer on my back, taking the mick, (while taking a piss), outa my (hairy) feet.

I mean, I don’t understand Frodo, we coulda been home watching Jurassic Park by now, but instead, it ends up like this. Oh well...

I’m not a total prick, I like a pint as much as the next man, but I can’t stay for another one in here; there seems to be trouble brewing. So I head on down Marylebone Road,...to The Rocket.

A huge despicable boozer, this one. The pints are cheap (the bottles are too), and what kinda idiot, in his right mind, drinks bottles anyhow!

So,..I order a bottle of Becks and look for a quiet corner.

There are flippin' students everywhere. Drinking, puking, snogging, dancing, pontificating. There’s no real chance of aggro, but it's stomach churning despite. I dunno which way to turn.

I stand by the pool table (two shots carry) and I get barged, so I stand by the fruity (hold the cherries), but they think I’m a hustler, so I watch the TV (Dago football),..And whaddaya know,..I’m blocking someone's view.

So I end up here, here out the front, with the smokers, on The Marylebone Road. Wicked!

They say that “The age of men is coming to an end.” Well, to see these cats in here, yeah, you can believe it.

If these students are the future, then I don’t know whether I’ll bother.

Cowardly, I know, but I can’t stop myself thinking about Frodo - Off flaunting his cash and making a fool of himself somewhere,. I wish he was here.

He said that he’d give me a ring later. Fat chance!

Sam’s rating for The Rocket  – 1 / 10

Rolosocosy

Frodo Baggins review of Tiger Tiger