• Latest Reviews - Ye Old London (St Pauls) 28 Apr 2012

  Laszlo de Almasy (The English Patient)

  Try and avoid it all you like, but there’s little else to do but think, when you’re staring at the same ceiling all day.
  
  I’m thinking, Yes I’m deep in thought. The meaningful stuff you know; What’s my raison d’etre? How big is my carbon footprint?,… ...read more

• Latest Reviews - The Green (Shepherds Bush) 26 Apr 2012

  Three Breasted Hooker (Total Recall)

  In the battle for hearts and minds, we were encouraged to play-up the deformity angle. Sympathy was key, our revolutionary leaders told us, in the drive to gain support and crush the air-oppressors.
  
  To be honest I wasn’t keen to go to the barricades. ...read more

• Latest Reviews - Bar Sagres (Geneva) 11 Mar 2012

  Che Guevara (Motorcycle Diaries)

  Let me start this review by making one thing clear. Las Malvinas were, are and always will be British. And I make that firm declaration as a dead Argie!
  
  So now we’ve put that political hot potato to bed, can we please move on to my ...read more

• Latest Reviews - Royal Oak (Lagness) 12 Feb 2012

  Royce (Johnny English Reborn)

  My CV in a nutshell: 
  I’m a female Rolls-Royce called Royce. Very clever, I'm a loyal companion to the UK’s (in my opinion) daftest super-spy. And when I’m not engaged in spy-type things - like opening my bonnet to the word ‘bonnet’ without any recourse to some kind ...read more

• Latest Reviews - Richmond Arms (Richmond) 12 Dec 2011

  Francois Truffaut

  

  Tonight 'Inside The Actors Studio' comes to you from Richmond in London - England, and we have for you a very special episode, dedicated to a true movie legend. Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, we are talking to celebrated and Innovative 'Nouvelle Vague' French Film Director - Francois Truffaut. ...read more

Dancing Priest (Father Ted)

Phoenix (Bank)

I tell you what Ted, this is'nt as easy as it looks.

If I get distracted for but one second, then I lose all sense of where I am in the scheme of things. My rhythm gets shot to bits you know, and I've to start from scratch again. So, don't think me rude, will ya, if I avoid eye contact to maintain my focus.

It's a tough business the old continuous dancing. But when you are waiting to get served in this shithole, what else is there to do?

Also, I need to face front in order to try and catch the eye of one of these barkeeps. They're an elusive bunch,…...

Ha! Bear with me a minute Ted, I'm gonna do a backflip *does*. So where was i? Oh yeah,..the dancing *still dancing*,…continuously.
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• The Bridge Bar and Eating House, Terminal 3, Heathrow Airport

  A dangerous port in a storm for a traveler, going somewhere he doesn’t want to go with five hours to kill. God bless the airport boozer – fuck the woeful High Grant’s philosophizing about finding the ‘essence of true love’ … Continue reading →

Cos Bar, Blackfriars

Alice in Wonderland does Hammer House of Horror

Shoeless Joe Jackson, Field of Dreams

Sun & 13 Cantons (Soho)

It was a press more furious than the battle for Aquilonia

Conan the Barbarian

Three Crowns, Piccadilly

I ain't going back in that dump

R2D2, Star Wars

Mabels Tavern, Kings Cross

Barmaids .. like supermodels force fed foie-gras

Superman

Pitcher and Piano, Bishopsgate

You ever see that film Gorillas in the mist?

Detective Lieutenant Frank Drebben, Naked Gun

Tiger Tiger, Piccadilly

They were getting us in Two-by-Two, like that fella,..Noah.

Frodo Baggins, Lord of the Rings