Hello pub fans, site host William 'D-Fens' Foster here. You may remember me from angry 90s psycho-flick Falling Down.

After a tiring day smashing up shops, terrorising Wammy Burger joints and watching old men die on the golf course, there's nothing I like more than to slip into a boozer for a pint of cool lager.

But I know it's not always easy to pick a winner, particularly if you're new to the game. So we created www.fallingdownthepub.co.uk to help you sniff out the decent boozers - and avoid the crap holes.

Our site features more than 200 pub reviews written by drunk, dispossessed and maladjusted stars of the big (and small) screen. From King Kong and Gandhi to R2D2 and the Little Mermaid, this is the place to come for advice.

We're always looking for more material too. After all, there are hundreds of boozers in London, thousands throughout the UK and millions worldwide. And countless washed-up old alcoholics with nothing better to do than review them. Check out the site for more details.

Now clear a path. I'm coming home - after a couple of pints.

Three Breasted Hooker (Total Recall)

The Green (Shepherds Bush)

 In the battle for hearts and minds, we were encouraged to play-up the deformity angle. Sympathy was key, our revolutionary leaders told us, in the drive to gain support and crush the air-oppressors.

To be honest I wasn’t keen to go to the barricades. for some of us, genetic mutation just hadn’t been the disaster those warm-mongering hot-heads were trying to sell;

Quite the opposite in fact.

I mean, given the choice, do you really think I’d down-grade to a standard duo in the knocker department? Do me a favour! Check out that picture fellas and you’ll understand why I’m the most popular – and richest - tom in town!

And I was far from alone in scoring a prize in the asphyxiation lottery.

Take a couple of my regulars. They weren’t part the Quaid story so you
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Cos Bar, Blackfriars

Alice in Wonderland does Hammer House of Horror

Shoeless Joe Jackson, Field of Dreams

Sun & 13 Cantons (Soho)

It was a press more furious than the battle for Aquilonia

Conan the Barbarian

Three Crowns, Piccadilly

I ain't going back in that dump

R2D2, Star Wars

Mabels Tavern, Kings Cross

Barmaids .. like supermodels force fed foie-gras

Superman

Pitcher and Piano, Bishopsgate

You ever see that film Gorillas in the mist?

Detective Lieutenant Frank Drebben, Naked Gun

Tiger Tiger, Piccadilly

They were getting us in Two-by-Two, like that fella,..Noah.

Frodo Baggins, Lord of the Rings

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